Don't make me go

Seven

Muse blared from the speaker as they laid on the floor of Oliver's living room, staring up at the ceiling. They'd been quiet for what felt like ages until Oliver finally spoke.
"I'm going to tell you something, I need you to forgive me. I need you to."
"What makes you think I'll have to try?" Connor said, knowing that whatever Oliver had to tell him that what he had to say was worse. Oliver sighed,
"Charlie... Charlie is my.. boyfriend."
"I went home with a guy yesterday." Connor replied simply. They continued staring up, deciding what the information they'd been given meant.
"Charlie?" Connor asked.
"Yeah. A random guy?"
"Yeah." That was all that they needed. Connor thought over the times he'd protected Oliver from the other boy. The first time he saw him, saw them both. Charlie had been whispering something to Oliver and stealing his money, going along with his stupid buddies. It had all been just an act, he realized. An act that he risked himself for. Anger welled up inside of him and anxiety took hold. He was sweating but he couldn't feel his hands, he felt tears coming. Oliver laid beside him, just the same. He wondered what Connor meant by 'went home' but he just couldn't bring himself to ask. He didn't want to, no, he didn't want to at all but something in him needed to. He needed to ask in just the way that he needed to be forgiven. Oliver bit his lip and turned his head to Connor who just looked at him.
"You know.. Something in me just doesn't give a shit about it. Something in me just doesn't care that he is your boyfriend.. Something else does. Something else really does Oliver and I don't know why."
"I care.. I care that you went home with a random guy.. I care." Oliver whispered.
"I care about you, Oliver. You're my best friend.. But we never said that we were exclusive.." It was true but it hurt in a way that felt like it wasn't. It felt like, I'm some way, they had said that. They'd said it in the breathes between those drunken kisses and in the drinks that caused them. Oliver felt belittled and stupid for these feelings.. Something had to change. He stood quickly and looked down at Connor who sat up.
"Get out." He said taking Connor's hand and pulling him up.
"What? Oliver-
"Get out!" Oliver shouted, pushing Connor to the front door. The boy looked shocked and scared. Oliver could see the mistakes in Connor's eyes and when he closed the door and looked into the mirror on the wall he saw them in his eyes too. It was a crippling feeling, pushing Connor away like that. Especially because Oliver knew that he wanted to stay and he isn't the kind of person to stay if he doesn't think it's worth it.
"C'mon, Ollie! Please!" Connor pleaded from the other side of the door. Oliver didn't respond, he just backed against the wall as his eyes welled with tears. He put his hands on his head and tried to think. Never said that we were exclusive. You're my best friend. Went home with a guy. I like you. Every thought was lead to another in a way that felt seamless and even so Oliver still felt like he was going to explode. He could hear Connor mumble something before he walked away, nothing left of him but the smack of his shoes on the pavement. Oliver couldn't help but be proud of himself despite the pain. Connor was no good for him, he knew that. He was realizing that now.. But there was still something there. Something that led his thoughts back to the boy in the middle of the night. Oliver walked into the other room and picked up his phone, wiping a tear from his eye. He called a number and waited for an answer.
"Hello? Charlie? It's me."
"What do you want?" Charlie said, sounding hurt.
"I...uh.. I wanted to talk. What's wrong? Are you alright?" Oliver could tell that something was wrong with Charlie, his voice gave it away.
"No, Ollie, I'm not okay." He sounded angry now.
"What happened?" Oliver asked, concerned. He sat down on the couch, suddenly feeling worn out and tired.
"Well like I said in my text yesterday a few of the guys saw you all over that Connor kid. They explained what they saw and apparently you were shit-faced drunk and had your hands all.. Over him. They heard that you went home and got dropped off with just him."
"Shit.. Charlie I'm sorry, I-"
"No. I don't want to hear that. Just tell me if you two.. Did anything."
Oliver sighed and bit his lip, thinking. Oliver had never been much of a liar.
"We came home and.. He kissed me.. We made out. I was going to tell you.." Oliver could feel Charlie's anger through the the phone and was almost afraid of it.
"You know, I knew it. I knew he'd be trouble for us."
"We're trouble enough without him."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Charlie asked. Oliver felt his chest tighten and he put a hand to his head.
"You know that I care about you but that doesn't make everything that happens not hurt. You let people turn you into something that you're not because you're afraid of yourself, not them. We could be really happy but you won't let yourself. I can't keep being hurt just so when I come home I'll have you in my bed. I.. I don't want this anymore, Charlie." There was nothing but silence on the other line. Everything was so confusing, everyone was angry at everyone. Why did it have to be the people who care about him the most, the people that he cared about most? The call ended without another word from Charlie. Oliver resisted the urge to throw his phone to the floor. Instead, he trudged up to his room. The creak of the stairs seemed to be apologizing to him rather than just fading into the sounds he already knew. Everything Oliver saw seemed to feel bad for him, maybe that's because he felt bad for himself. He began thinking that perhaps that's what the world does, it mimics what we feel and that's why some fall into it and never seem to resurface. Until what seems to happen isn't seen, and only reality and truth remain.