Don't make me go

Six

Hey guys! I just wanted you to know that I don't write smut but I do suggest that it does happen. I try and focus more on the story usually. I hope you love it :) <3

The walk to Paxton's was awkward but quick, the boy couldn't keep his eyes off of Connor. They made up to the boys apartment and took their coats off.
"My aunt won't be home until late tonight, in case you were worried. You seem like the worrying type." Pax said as he took two beers from the fridge. He handed one to Connor who stared at it.
"Beer not your thing? It isn't really mine but my aunt locked everything else up."
"Uh.. I just don't really have a good relationship with drinking at the moment.." He said, placing the glass bottle on the counter.
"Oh.. Why not?" Pax asked, placing his beer next to Connor's and taking a step closer.
"I got drunk.. Did things with someone I shouldn't have. It really wasn't that serious but.. Never mind." Paxton took another step closer.
"Ah, I see. I've heard that story, lived it, loved it. Stupid college guys who go to parties, get drunk, do things that their rich parents wouldn't like. In the morning they break hearts." Another step closer. Connor sighed, his breathing getting a bit heavier. With every word this other boy grew closer, Connor was afraid of close of any kind.
"No.. No it wasn't exactly like that."
"Well tell me then, tell me how it was. Did he break your heart?" They were extremely close now, Pax gripped Connor's shirt collar and they looked each other in the eyes.
"No.. He didn't break my heart.. I just have a feeling I'm about to break his." The corner of Paxton's mouth lifted and he pulled Connor in, smirking into the kiss. At first it was difficult for Connor to react, he wasn't exactly sure what to do. Then his body took over. His hands met Pax's waist and he attempted to push nervousness away. His hands shook and he gripped Pax harder to try and make it stop. The other boy unbuttoned Connor's shirt and Connor pulled away.
"Bedroom?" He said, breathless. That was he realized how much he needed to release, how much fear he was holding captive, how captive it was keeping him. Pax led Connor to a room near the back of the apartment. It was a tidy room with Christmas lights strung across the ceiling and dark walls. Connor sat on the edge of the bed as Pax straddled his thighs and twisted his thoughts, kissing him. The LED lights seeped into every crack in the walls, keeping the room dim as rain pounded in the world outside.
The drops seemed to match the beat of Connor's heart as his matched Paxton's. He'd never felt the way a heart can be in unison with another, the way two people match up but be entirely different. He laid back and Pax kissed his neck and down his chest, ripping the shirt from his shoulders. His hand messed with the buckle of Connor's pants in an almost mechanical way, a practiced way that Connor knew came with experience. Connor pulled Pax's shirt over his head before the other boy could pull his pants down. Their breathing was heavy and Connor had never felt this way before, he'd never felt so close to someone who he didn't even know. That closeness made him feel low and dangerous, somehow, he enjoyed it. Somehow, he mistook that feeling for bravery. The small, bright lights blurred in and out of his vision as his hand tangled through Paxton's hair while the boy kissed him up and down. He kissed Connor's inner thighs, stomach, chest, and neck before going back down one last time. After that, like his vision, everything was blurry to Connor. Feeling another person, another boy, do things he'd only heard about and never done felt crazy. Everything was driving him crazy. The lights, the rain, eyes, glasses, music, coffee, and kisses. The want of fearlessness in Connor had led him to this boys bed and later that night it would take him home the way that it always did. This time it was just a bit more dangerous.
After that night at Paxton's place and Connor had left, walking home in the rain he checked his phone. He had one text:

Ollie: I agree. Hangout tomorrow? We can just talk and watch a movie or something like we usually do

Connor wondered what else they would do.. He remembered the Pax's lips on his, on him. He remembered the way they kissed and the lights above him. This time only it wasn't Paxton he was kissing, it was Oliver. He shook the thought from his mind and didn't answer Oliver that night. He fell asleep alone and in the dark.. This time a cute boy in glasses wasn't there to hold him and another with dark eyes wasn't there to make him feel better with kisses and new experiences. No lights, no boys, the only thing he had now was fear, the thing that fake bravery couldn't defeat, only mask.