Don't make me go

Four

Oliver woke up with a strange sense of emptiness. He knew this feeling well but he knew he hadn't fallen asleep with it. He put on his glasses and blinked. His head pounded and the memories came back.
"Shit.. Shit!" He said, putting a hand to his head and clenched his jaw. Why had he kissed Connor? Immediately he thought of Charlie. The boy who'd hurt him daily but healed him at night. He knew that it wasn't a healthy relationship, if they could call it a relationship at all. To limit suspicion the two boys agreed that Charlie would pretend to bully Oliver in the eyes of others, leaving alone time to be filled strictly with things that were meant to heal loneliness. It was funny, lately with Charlie, Oliver felt lonelier than when he was by himself. But the night with Connor..? He felt whole, he felt full. Guilt filled his stomach as he leaned his legs over the side of the bed, leaning his head in his hands. He sucked in a sharp breathe, biting his lip. Oliver pulled his phone from the charger and scrolled through the notifications, there weren't many. He had a missed call and voicemail from Charlie, a missed call from his mom, and a text from Connor. He called his mom back first.
"Hi, sweetie!" Her soft voice said through the phone.
"Hi, mom."
"I just called to check in, how's everything?" She said.
"It's good here. I hope your trip is going well." Oliver replied.
"It's great! Your father and I will be back Monday afternoon."
"I know, mom." He smiled a little bit.
After they finished their conversation and said goodbye Oliver decided to listen to the voicemail Charlie left him, saving the text from Connor for last.
"Hey, some of the guys saw you at a party last night all over the new kid. You're lucky they didn't say something, what happened? Call me, Oliver. I'm worried." With a sigh, Oliver put the phone down. He knew that Charlie wasn't a bad person, he was just hell of a good actor. They both hated that he felt the need to act at all. But, it was the best way to hide what they had. Oliver was starting to wonder if they had anything anymore, wether that was worth the hiding. He pushed those thoughts from his brain as he paced back and forth for a moment. Of course what he had with Charlie was real, of course it was. If it wasn't, Charlie wouldn't hurt Oliver every day at school, if it wasn't he wouldn't look at Oliver like he'd done something wrong. That was only when they weren't alone.. Alone was different. Alone was good. Oliver had never felt so alone and whole in someone's presence at the same time. Maybe that was because he was only himself when he was by himself.
He read Connor's text.
I'm scared to say this.. But we need to talk.
Was all that it said. It seemed unlike Connor to say that they had to talk, he wasn't the talking type. Oliver expected him to say something about them leaving each other, about never speaking of it again and leaving it at that. But he didn't.. He didn't say that at all. Oliver sighed, maybe that's what he'd wanna talk about.
"Don't get your hopes up." He said out loud to himself. He looked at the floor as he pulled a t-shirt from his dresser before putting it on. There was nothing to hope for, nothing to dread. Not yet.
Everything felt confusing, Charlie, Connor, himself.. He just didn't want to feel alone, he didn't want to be alone in the presence of someone else. Oliver didn't know what he wanted anymore. That was the moment when he realized, maybe he never knew at all.
***
"Connor.. Connor.. Connor.." He said to himself. Oliver had been repeating the name to himself all day to try and distinguish the nice way it rolled off of his tongue. He'd heard once that if you say a word over and over it loses its meaning, it doesn't mean as much. He'd been attempting to do that with Connor all day. So far, the name was still as important to him, it still made him think of dark hair and pretty eyes. That smile that could stop time and lips that made Oliver's knees go weak. He tried to remind himself that they'd only kissed and had a little fun, people did it all the time.  With Charlie he'd done much more but as Oliver made a sandwich and leaned on the kitchen counter he realized that 'a little fun' meant more to him than anything he'd done with Charlie. With that, he stopped saying Connors name to try and push it down, and smiled. He said something else instead.
"Charlie.. Charlie.. Charlie.."

Hey guys! Sorry about this crap chapter... I'll try make it a little more interesting in the future :) I hope you like it so far. <3