Impossibilities

~14~

"Sweet love can only be." I sang softly, the words feeling far too familiar. It had been a week sense that dream. I had missed classes, and stayed home for the last few days.

"a part of my life when it wants to be. For I love you, and no one else can take your place..." The words were stuck in my head and I kind of hated it. I didn't know any of the other words to the stupid song, so I just kept reciting the same words over and over... It felt like it had been my favorite song, one I had always hummed along too, and yet, the words just wouldn't come to my mind.

Such a long time sense I had actually heard that song. So many life times ago.

"But when our worlds are torn apart, and I can no longer remember, please chase after me and prove to me that you love me if not more. Because this can't be nothing, this feeling inside. It keeps me warm until the morning light. But the cold of night creeps up on me, and sometimes I'm not sure who I am anymore.

Sweet love can only be... A part of my life when it wants to be. For I love you, and no one else can take your place... But for love to be love, you need to reciprocate." His familiar voice sang softly from behind the bench I sat at. "It's been a long time sense I've heard you sing... Especially that song." His voice was very soft, as if he were scared I would run away like a fawn in the forest.

"I sang it while I waited in the jail cell in that dream... I've had it stuck in my head ever sense..." My eyebrows pulled together. "In my other lives, did you ever get my attention? Or did you just stay on the side lines?"

He sighed heavily. "I wanted you dead. I never even spared a moment to talk to you." He walked up to me slowly. "But I made sure you were kept safe and out of harms way."

I looked down at my hands, "I don't like this. My whole body feels different."

He sat next to me and set a hand on mine, "things will change, and your body will change. I'm not sure what's going to happen from here on out... And that makes me nervous. But I promise I'll do the best I can to protect you..."

In a moment of weakness, I found myself leaning my head on to his chest for comfort. He wrapped his arm around me without hesitation and held me tightly.

I felt safe. Wanted. Loved. My body flooded with warmth, and I could honestly say I was happy. I was happy that I had someone who made me feel so secure. Who truly loved me and-

"Mr. Paxton..." A sweet voice broke my serenity.

He pushed me away abruptly, his body going hard, defensive. "Patty." He said with a smile. "I feel like I've been waiting forever."

She made a weird hand gesture toward me with a confused look on her cute baby doll face. "May I ask?"

"Oh." He said after a second, "she's my student. Been going though a lot. Sometimes people just need a shoulder they can rely on. You know?" He flashed a dazzling smile and shrugged. "You know how compassionate I am."

She flipped her blonde curls over her shoulder, her cheeks blushing slightly under his gaze and attention. "Yes, I do know that. Have you missed me?" She smiled shyly at him, glancing at me momentarily, and raising her brows at him as if to question why he was still so close to me.

When he stood up, I felt cold. Alone. Hollow. And very vulnerable.

He approached her and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her warmly. He pulled away and smiled at her, "shall we go?" She nodded enthusiastically, looping her arm with his and pulling him close. He glanced down at me with no interest, "you gonna be okay by yourself?"

"Wasn't I alone all along?" I muttered, standing up and pushing past them toward the cafe.

"Abigail-" he began, but I silenced him with my hand in the air.

My heart felt like it was breaking, and I wasn't sure what to do. I had just been through a horrible experience with Jake. I continued to have dreams about Jax- making my feelings for him only grow. And when I thought he wanted me just and much as I was beginning to really want him- that happens...

Was I supposed to tell him to wait for me? I'm sure there had been many other girlfriends in the past few years- thinking about that sent a pang of jealousy through my chest.

Were they prettier then me? Thinner... Taller... Smarter... I grimaced at my own thoughts and shook my head as I rounded the corner to the cafe.

"Hey babe!" Vie called to me from a far booth. She was sitting with a pretty brunette whom didn't seem too please with her calling me babe or inviting me to the table they say at.

I slipped in next to Vie, resting my head on her shoulder as a small yawn escaped my lips.

"Still not sleeping well?" She asked me as she pet back my hair. I shook my head, closing my eyes. "You really need to sleep, babe."

"I don't want to..." I whispered, sitting straight up and smiling at the not so friendly face across the table. "Hi, I'm Jo... Abby. I'm Abby.." Nearly introducing myself as Johanna was a new one...

"Claire." She muttered quietly. "Violas girlfriend." Her voice took a tone I wasn't aware a pretty face like that could wield.

"I'm aware." I said with a curt nod. "She's my roommate. And best friend." I raised my eyebrows at her and turned to Vie. "Girlfriend. He's got a girlfriend." I whispered harshly, feeling the grimace form on my face again.

"Never seen you so jealous before in your life." She muttered with a laugh.

I rolled my eyes at her, and turned my attention back to Claire. "So, how long have you guys been together?"

"A few weeks." Claire informed me without making eye contact. She stared Down at the table, a thick like in her forehead showing how truly aggravated she was.

Oh well. I was going through a lot of shit and I needed my friend. I needed the girl that had been there with me through all my lives bullshit; regardless of her girlfriend.

"You need to relax." Laughed Viola. "It's probably just a facade."

I thought about her touching him, and her kissing him... I shuttered, leaning back and rubbing my temples.

"I don't care.." I muttered.

She sat forward and took Claire's hand, focusing solely on me. "You just dated Jake. You refused him a handful of times already. You told him you wanted him to fall in love with the new you, not the one he used to know... You never told him you wanted him, or gave him any sign or indication that you wanted him.... Babe," she took a sharp breath, her attention turning toward Claire, who's face was red as she looked away from us. "What was that for?" Vie asked her daringly.

She shot Vie a glare before rolling her eyes and standing up. "I'll see you later?"

"Whatever you say." Vies teeth were clenched with annoyance as she turned back to me. "You can't get mad at him. He wanted you to give him a chance... Instead you gave one to Jake. And look how that turned out."

"Guilt trips are great." I muttered, rubbing my shoulder to occupy myself. "I just... I thought he-"

"Loved you." She nodded. "I know. But I'm pretty sure he does. He can't be seen dating a..." She leaves in close, "a student."

I groaned, slouching back. "I hate my life."