Hell Beast

Paper Girl

Dinner was a drag, as usual. My parents just berated me for not being as epic as my predecessors, and then I trudged back up to my room. I checked my phone, and there was a text from Olivia.

Hey let's hang tonight. Mall at 7?

I checked the time. It was 6:30. I quickly responded.

Yep sounds great.

The mall was only a couple minutes from my house, so I took a moment to fix my hair and make up. I then grabbed my keys off of my desk and headed out the door, calling to my parents that I would be out for a few hours. I then started my car and sped down the street, excited to see Olivia.

-----

"Hey, Cammie!"

I turn to sound of Olivia's voice and smile, genuinely happy to see her.

"Hey, Liv," I say as she tackles me in a hug.
"Where to first?" She asks in a voice that makes me melt.
"Um... I dunno. It's up to you."
"Coolio!"

She links her arm through mine and drags me through the mall. We walk in comfortable silence, enjoying each others company. I begin to zone out a bit, thinking about what my family says about me.

You'll never be a Beast. You're too soft.
Normals will never accept you. You must be a Beast or be nothing.
Come on, you have the Devil's Touch for Christs sake! You can do better!
No one wants you.
Cam? Cammie!

I snap out of my trance when I hear Liv's voice.

"S-sorry," I say, weakly smiling at her.
"You okay?" She asks gently.
"Yeah, fine," I answer, trying to cover the blatant lie. She looks wary, but just nods. We turn into a store, and she wanders about with me in tow, commenting on some of the clothes.

"Oh, this would look adorable on you," she says , holding up a tight white shirt with a low neck and slits in the back. I smile and nod.
"Come on, get it. It would be so hot."

I hesitate.
"Are you sure?" I tentatively ask.
"Of course I'm sure. Come on. If you get this, you can pick something for me to get."
I agree, and we continue to shop. I go directly to the underwear section, and grab a neon pink thong.

"This," I say, proudly holding it up.

Her jaw drops to the floor.
"What? No way!"

I laugh, and after a second she joins in.

"I'm only joking, I swear," I say between giggles.

We then go to the dress section, and I see a short, red dress made of a shimmery fabric. I picture her in it, all toned muscles and long legs, and know I need to see her in it. I grab it off the rack.

"Okay, here," I say, tossing it at her.

She gasps, and then smiles.

"Cam, this is so fab. Yes!"

I internally celebrate, and we go to pay for our clothes. I feel a lot better, but I still feel a little down. I can tell Liv is noticing, though I'm trying to hide it.

"Hey, why don't you spend the night at my place?" She offers.

I quickly agree, and then text my parents to tell them I would be home the next day. We get in our cars and I follow Liv to her house, which I had been to a dozen times.

I follow her into the house, and she leads me to her room. She throws pajama pants and a t shirt at me.

"Thanks," I mumble as I slip into the bathroom to change.

I quickly put on the new clothes and come out just as she's putting on a shirt. I notice how fantastic her abs are, and the way her muscles flex. She turns to me and smiles.

"So, what do you want to do?"

You.

"Uh... I dunno. Movie?" I suggest.

She nods and pops Paper Towns into her DVD player. We both settle onto her bed and lean back, watching it on her small TV. I can sense her sliding closer. I pretend not to notice.

Her hand slowly finds a place to rest on my leg. I allow it, craving that touch. Craving it like I'm supposed to crave adrenaline and fear and power. But in this moment I'm only craving her, all over me, her touch spreading warmth through the cold dark vessel which is my body.

A few minutes later, she rests her head on my shoulder. My breath catches, and I'm afraid to move. Her thumb traces mindless circles on my jeans.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" She whispers gently.

I want to tell her everything. I want to tell her how I feel and how I can never tell her that I feel this way. I want to tell her how fake I am, how the happy teenage girl on the surface is nothing like what is underneath. I want to tell her to run, because I'm a monster, and to stay, because she can fix me.

"No, thanks," I whisper back.

She mumbles and I then realize that she's exhausted. Her breath becomes quiet and even, and I fall even more in love with her as she soundly sleeps on my chest.