Hell Beast

Losing control

Liv gives me a tight hug before we depart for the last period. I walk down the hall, thinking about her touch. It's so gentle and loving. I am far too in love with her for my own good.

Sixth period drones on, the talk of math going in one ear and out the other. My mind wanders about, and settles on the damned lion I had destroyed. I hate myself for it. I don't want to be evil. I don't want to rip animals apart.

But at the same time, it had felt good. It was a relief to just let go and unleash my power. I have a craving for it, almost as strong as the one for Liv. I want to destroy everything, kill all in my path.

No, I can't think like this. I'm not a monster. I'm not evil. I need to control my instincts. What is wrong with me?

When the bell rings, I stumble out of the classroom, nearly sprinting to my car.

"Cammie!" Liv calls behind me.

I glance back, but it I can't afford to stop. I'm afraid that I will shift right here, revealing my true form. If I do, I don't doubt that I will rip apart every person in this hall. Including Liv.

I'm terrified of myself. I get into my car and speed home, trying to keep myself together. I park it in my driveway quickly and throw myself out. I'm losing control.

I half run, half trip into the forest, allowing my instincts to take over. I feel myself shift without thinking about it. I push through brush and trees, trying to find something to satisfy my needs.

About a hundred feet away, I see a deer grazing in the grass. I sprint at it with newfound speed, catching up to it even as it runs away. I tackle it and sink my teeth into its flesh, the blood rushing into my mouth. I don't even bother trying not to swallow it.

I swallow the deer's blood as I tear it apart. It tastes cool and refreshing, and gives me even more strength. I feast on it, getting as much as I can. It tastes like perfection.

A small part of me is screaming to stop, that I shouldn't do this, that I'm not a monster. But I am. I am a god awful monster and I need to destroy everything. I will kill every creature in this damned forest.

The animal is far gone. I have drained all of its blood from its body. It's muscles and bones and carcass were strewn around me, blood staining the grass. I look around at what I have done. The adrenaline leaves me as quickly as it came, and I shift back.

I am horrified by myself. How could I do this? Why did I do this? What the hell is wrong with me?

I lie on the ground, shaking, tears streaming down my face. I don't know what to do with myself. Should I let my instincts control me? Should I fight it?

I feel the sun setting, the cool air prickling my skin. I slowly get up, still shaking, like a newborn fawn. I trudge back home, doubting anyone noticed that I was gone.

I first go to my car, grabbing my bag and phone. As I walk inside, I check my phone, and notice I have seven missed calls from Liv. I don't feel like talking now, so I just throw my phone on my bed.

I grab pajamas and go to my shower. I strip off of my clothes and throw them in the trash, as they are ruined by blood. I then get in the shower.

I turn the water on hot. As I stand in the water, I realize it isn't hot enough. I turn it up more. I faintly feel the burn on my skin. I need more of it. I shouldn't let my instincts take over. But, nonetheless, I turn the water up all the way. The red of the blood is replaced by the red of my burning skin as the water runs over my body. I want to scream, but it also feels good. I need to burn. I need to feel the pain.

When I can't handle it anymore, I turn the water off and step out of the shower. I wrap a towel around myself and begin to dry off. As I do, I notice that there is still blood under my nails and in the creases of my hands.

I cover my hands with soap and put them under the faucet of my sink. I turn on the water, and begin to scrub my hands. I get the blood out, watching it run into the drain. After the blood is gone, I continue to scrub my hands. They become raw, but I still need to clean them. They begin to crack and bleed, but I don't care. I need to get rid of my anger.

Finally, I turn the water off and dry my hands. I stumble out of the bathroom and collapse onto my bed, exhausted. I feel my phone buzzing beside me. I look at it, and see that it's another call from Liv. I shakily answer it.

"H-hello?" I stutter.
"Cam! Are you alright?" Liv says frantically.

Tears suddenly begin to stream down my face.

"No." I whisper.
"I'm coming over. Just hang in there."

She hangs up, and I lie on my back, allowing the hot tears to rush down my face. I hear Liv walk in the door. I slowly open my eyes and look at her. She has a worried look on her face as she gracefully slides to sit next to me.

"Hey, Cammie," she whispers, stroking my hair.
"Hi."

She then notices my hands. She softly gasps and then cradles them in hers.

"Oh, Cammie, what did you do..." She says under her breath.

I collapse into her, sobbing. She rubs my back.

"Shh... Cam... I'm here..."

After a few minutes, I pull away and wipe my eyes. She holds my hands and waits for me to look at her. When she does, she holds my gaze, looking into my eyes lovingly. In that moment, I want to kiss her. Not devour her, not destroy anything, just softly kiss her. She leans in slightly, and my breath catches in my throat.

"I need to go," she says, quietly.

I nod.

"Okay."

She hugs me one more time before slipping out the door and leaving me with my own dangerous thoughts.