The truth

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Kian's POV
Pop in, maybe I'll just pop in and pay him a visit, see if he's going okay, settled in alright and stuff. Besides if he asks why I'm there I can just say I'm dropping something off for Sam or picking something up. Yeah, yeah, that'll work.

I stand in the middle of my empty living room and look around.

"What the fuck could I be 'giving' Sam?"

"You know, they say the first sign of madness, is talking to yourself?"

I jump and turn around.

"Ah! Oh my god, you scared the shot out of me."

"Haha, clearly."

"Sam, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I decided to come visit, see how you were-" he looks around the house "-coping."

"Jee, thanks Sam, how considerate of you."

"No, I'm actually here on Jc's orders, he asked me to come see if you were okay..." I glanced at the floor and half smiled. He must've saw, shit. "Anyways, what'd you want to 'bring' to me?"

"Oh, uh... No-nothing." O look down at the floor and away from his eyes which could've penetrated my soul.

"You just wanted an excuse to see Jc, didn't you?" I ignore him and keep staring at the floor. "Look Kian, he just a needs time. You killed him, cheating, cheating wasn't the best way out of it. If you didn't love him anymore you-"

"No, no Sam, I still loved him and well, I still do, it's just that I wanted a little something more sexual wise. He wasn't pleasing me, not the way I wanted anyways."

"Okay man, I get that, but cheating? Really? If you wanted something more, all you had to do was talk to him and wait. And as for you loving him, well, a little too late to say that now..."

"But hats the thing, Sam, I did talk to him, I did wait, I waited about 4 months or more just to get a little something..."

"Okay man, I've only heard stories of what happened, but from what I heard that wasn't 'a little something' that was a big something. Pretty big. What you did was like some hardcore porn shit."

"Sam, I know it was big for him, but it wasn't big for me..."

"Kian, what do you mean?"

I looked up at him through tearing eyes. "I never told anyone, but I've been gay for about a year or so and I liked Jc longer than he thought and longer than he knew. I acted like I didn't for a while because I didn't want anyone to know, not until I knew he was sure he liked me, even then I was scared. I have had two relationships with other guys before Jc, that's why this 'stuff' wasn't knew to me, it was normal. I was scared Sam, I was scared that he would find me too pushy and sex-driven that he would leave me or he- he would stop loving me and find someone, someone knew and better, and it looks like he's done that..." By the end I'm crying and I'm hurting, Sam can see it.

"Woah, woah. What do you mean 'looks like he's done that'?"

"I tho-thought you two were, you know..."

"No! For one, I'm not gay and even if I was Jc wouldn't be my type and for two.." He shies away

"And for two...?"

"He still loves you, he just needs some time. Time to think and clear his head. So, yeh" he picks up an apple, bites into and walks out the door. "Good talk, Kian!" He shouts behind him, mouth full of food.

"Yeah, you too Sam." The words trail out of my mouth, barely a whisper.
What now? I have to see him, I need to tell him I'm sorry and that I still love him, but how do I do it without hurting Ricky. I love him but not in the way I love Jc. Nothing could ever compare...

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