Dear Maria

Chapter 7 - A Bottle And A Breakdown

It'd been several weeks since Alex's walls came crashing down in my kitchen. After he'd stopped crying, and taken a moment to calm himself, we'd continued like it never happened. He repressed his memories once again, in favour of keeping ahead of his emotions. Alex was a man true to his word, every Sunday at 11am we sat in the same café, eating the same breakfast of two eggs, two slices of toast and one glass of orange juice, and made the same generic small talk that was like a safety blanket for both of us.

We were both in school once more after that one day break, continuing like normal. I didn't speak to Alex much in school, I stuck close to him but in the sea of sweaty teenagers I barely muttered a word. The only time I really spoke to him was if we sat behind the tree, our tree. I didn't speak around Jack or Rian or Zack, choosing my notepad as a better alternative. In the three weeks that Id known them all though, I knew enough to safely call them my friends, and I was proud to call Alex my best friend. I'd never had a best friend before, the closest I classed anyone to a best friend before him was probably Tyler, which even by my standards was pathetic, that much I knew.

Alex was halfway through his stay in my home, and by now I think Josh and my mom classed him a member of the family. If he stepped out of line my mom wouldn't hesitate to scold him, as if she were really his mother. Josh had promised to play drums with Alex when his hand was sorted, as if he was a brother. It felt right, it felt like a net, that kept me in the right place. I didn't really want it to come to an end, although I was undoubtedly positive we'd still be best friends once he moved back to his own apartment, it just felt like it would switch our relationship. I was used to waking up and wandering out my room to see Alex brushing his teeth, I was used to nibbling on my dinner with him sitting at the dining table. It was keeping me alive, keeping me sane being around Alex like this. As if he was my therapy wrapped into one hell of a friend.

We'd gotten to the point now that I wasn't so scared around him, if he was sad, he'd be okay with me hugging him. If I was scared in a busy place, I wouldn't have a panic attack if he gave my hand a quick squeeze, to let me know I wasn't on my own. I wouldn't class it as co-dependency but we were close to it. If I broke my friendship with Alex I don't really know if I would recover. That wasn't something I wanted to think about, so I pushed the bad thoughts away from my real mind. We were back in the same forest that gave Alex his breakdown those few weeks ago.

A hell of a lot more leaves had fallen, after all we were well into autumn now, September coming to an abrupt end alarmingly soon. The colours had shifted to dark maroons, and dusty browns. The oranges were fading, and the yellows were gone. It was truly the height of autumn. 'Maria stand there'
'Stand where?'
'Just there, by that tree'. He pointed to a tree practically stripped of its leaves, that had its surrounding trees still in full bloom of their golden leaves. I did as he said, standing between the trees, asking why in the process. 'It'll make a good photo, trust me'. As much as I didn't want to - I hated having my photo taken my face was a genuine disgrace to the human body - I let him take the stupid photo. I was in my hazel coat, and typical black jeans. The top of my head was covered by a woollen burgundy hat, leaving my hair to do the best it could, which was do fuck all other than fall in dead straight strands. I heard the click of his camera, one I didn't know he owned until last week. It turned out he had a passion for photography, and for the first time I was his subject. 'There, that wasn't so bad'. I grumbled a little in protest, expressing my hatred towards my face. This time around we didn't quite make it to his grandparents house. It was the 27th of September, which meant they'd be back from their vacation, but honestly I don't think that was the reason we stayed away. I could see Alex suppressing all emotions other than the smile he tried to keep on his face, and it hurt to watch. My mind hoped he wouldn't relapse into the spiral of sadness like last time.