Losing Alexa

12/30/15: reflecting

This morning I weighed 102 pounds! Ideally I'll be under 100 by the time school starts on January 3rd.

I made scrambled eggs at around noon with spinach. It was delicious, and 168 calories. For dinner I had an organic lentil soup (300).

When I was in second grade I made a promise to myself. I remember running up a hill full of gravel to the playground. It was windy and cool and my arms were exposed and all i felt was freedom. I cartwheeled and my stomach was empty. I felt good. Me being the little elf girl I always was, I decided I would never weigh over 100 pounds. The thought of weighing more than 100 disgusted me. I kept this promise close to me. I never told anyone, even though it was so important to me for some reason. I knew I shouldn't think this even as a 7 year old. I need to keep this promise, for that little girl.

I first noticed my stomach stretching towards the sky when I was in 6th grade. 6th grade in all of it's awkwardness and change, I didn't have any friends. My friends decided to turn against me for some silly reason I still don't understand, and I was alone and awkward. I stopped eating. It made me feel special. It was ok that I was different because I was better. At least I thought so anyway.
I was a little blond girl, who looking back was tiny. I was always considered small and I felt pressure to keep that status. I still do.

Food:
Lunch: 168
Dinner: 300
Net: 468