The Final Season

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

I decided not to give my parents a hard time and just sat down on the couch across from them. They both looked like they were going to break any second especially my father. He was always the composed type and right now he was everything but that, and it kind of threw me off a bit. I clasped my hands together and picked at my fingernails as I stared at them and waited for what they were about to tell me. I wasn't expecting anything good to come out of their mouths and if they were just pranking me this would be a sick joke.

"Iris, something happened today," my father said cautiously like he was looking for the right words not to upset me. I didn't want him to sugar coat it, I just wanted to him to come right out and say it. "Honey, your grandmother, she..." My heart began to race and my mind conjured up all sorts of scenarios. I pretty much knew what was about to be said and I didn't want to hear it. I never wanted to hear these words come out of somebody's mouth. "She passed away today," he finally said and I stared at them for a while with no expression on my face but on the inside I was going crazy.

How could she have passed away when I was with her today? I was with her and she was fine so what, did god just decide it was her time to go? What if I disagreed? "What time?" I demanded, "what time did this happen?" I asked my voice in a barely audible whisper. I was afraid that if I spoke up my voice would crack and then I'd fall apart in front of them.

"Around three," he said quietly.

Suddenly I felt even more guilty than before. How could it even be possible that I could be with her fifteen minutes before three and then after I leave this happens? This was my punishment. God was punishing me for leaving my dying grandmother by herself in a plain white room in the last minutes of her life. This happened because of me. I chose soccer over her. I chose some sport over someone who would put my whole life ahead of their own. I stood up from the couch ignoring their calls and walked up my steps. Once I reached my door I opened it to a dark room and turned on my lights. I grabbed the bag that was around my shoulder and threw it into my closet out of anger.

I walked over to my dresser and placed my elbows on it while my hands found their way to my hair. I tried to take everything in. Just this morning I had my grandmother and in the same day she was gone. That wasn't something I could wrap my head around easily. I opened one of my drawers and took out a small box. Inside was a gold oval shaped locket with carvings all around the edge and the letter M carved in cursive in the middle. It was my grandmothers locket, the M standing for her name Margaret, and inside was a picture of her and I on my first birthday. She gave it to me a few years back and told me to keep it so I would always be surrounded by her memory, but the only memories surrounding me right now were this morning and me leaving her behind.

I usually always had it on but during soccer season I just put it away in it's box because if I wore it I would constantly have to take it off during a game and then put it back on after, so I just didn't bother and put it aside until the season ended. But I needed it now. I needed to feel like she was here with me right now whether I felt like I deserved her presence or not. I ran my fingers over the carving before my quivering hands brought it around my neck and clasped the ends together, letting the locket fall onto my chest. I looked into the mirror at myself and hated who I saw so I shut off the lights and climbed into bed.

The storm began on its course again. I looked outside of my window as I laid onto my bed that suddenly felt uncomfortable instead of it's usual coziness. Outside was pitch black. It was only probably nine and the only light outside was the occasional lightening flashing into the sky followed by roars of thunder. I continued to just stare out at the storm not allowing myself the privilege to grieve or let any tears come out of my eyes. I didn't deserve the ability to cry. I also knew that I would get no sleep tonight. I will probably just sit here and watch the storm all night with this blank expression on my face.