Young Dreamer

Young Dreamer << Six

^Christian Le'anne Carson^

Choosing between Jordan and Trey is difficult for me because I'm use to it being Christian and only Christian. From the time I was 10 years old to now, nobody has been there to love and care for me, so I've been there for me. If ain't nobody got me, I got me. That's been my motto for as long as I can remember. Now it's come down to the point where somebody wants me to share my all with them and be there to love and care for them. The only problem is I'm afraid and I don't know how to love somebody else.

I'm afraid that if I were to take that leap and be in a serious relationship, someone would come out hurt and it wouldn't be me. I care about both Jordan and Trey and the last thing I want to do is hurt either of them, but that's what's happened in every "relationship" I've been in; I hurt them before they can hurt me.

On the outside looking in I may seem careless and emotionless, like I simply just don't give a flying fuck, but the truth is I'm a very sensitive person. I've just been through so much hurt and pain all my life and I'm terrified of being hurt again. That's why I shut people out and keep to myself and that's the main reason I smoke weed; I'm afraid of pain.

Throughout the years, I've lived my life knowing that if I were to die today, nobody would care. If I were to be in a tragic accident and the doctors came and said, "Family of Christian Carson." that nobody would stand. All my life, I've been content with that, and now knowing that somebody wants to be there for me, it gives me the chills.

I may be looking too deep into it, but that's just how I feel.

"You alright, Christian?" Kai asked as we walked into school.

"Yeah, just thinking." I say. "See you 4th period."

I sat in my usual seat in the back waiting for Jordan to stroll in late as Jerricah approached my seat with her little posse behind her. Basic bitch, I thought as she hoovered over my table placing both hands on it.

"What Jerricah?" I asked irritated. She didn't even have this class

"Woop! Attitude!" She shouted doing some little ghetto ass Trinidad James hand gesture.

I shook my head because this bitch is insane.

"I came here to talk to you about King." She smirked. I almost flipped the damn table over.

"What the fuck is there to talk about?"

"Why I've been seeing you all around school with him. If you didn't get the memo, bitch, he's MY man." She put extra emphasis on my.

"Listen Jerricah, today ain't my day, alright? Get the fuck out of my face before I slam your fat yellow ass into one of these walls." I spoke placing my hands on my temples.

"Whatever, just know that the next time I see you with him, bitch, it's me and you."

Before she had a chance to turn around and leave, I quickly rose from my seat and slapped her right in the face as the class errupted full of 'ooohhhh's' and laughter.

"CHRISTIAN CARSON! COME AND GET YOUR REFERRAL!" Mr. West shouts from his desk.

I slung my tribal inspired book bag over my shoulder and retrived my referrall, making my way to my counsler Ms. Gosset's office.

"What happened Christian?" She asked.

Ms. Gosset is cool as fuck. She's been my counsler since middle school. Growing up I was talked about alot because of how I looked and how I talked. I grew tired of it and developed an anger problem because of it. I didn't have anyone at home to vent to, so I took my anger out on other kids.