Entendre

7.5: Rose Pink

In a bed of roses I dreamt
of how grand it would be
if I was born in the image of
perfection that they wished.

On such an occasion,
I would be left to
play by myself--lonely,
sheltered, unwanted.

Even princesses have times
when they are insecure too.
Just like on that day
when I was told of a truth.

"For a princess," my cousin began,
"you sure are fat." She laughed.
For once, as a child, I felt
rather insulted by her words.

"Yeah, yeah!" Her friend exclaimed.
"And pretty stupid too!"
"Aren't princesses supposed to be
perfect?" Another one asked.

Everybody told me I was fine,
that remaining true to myself
was the definite way.
They just hid truths from me.

I was fat. I was stupid.
I was laughed at.
I was ignored. Backstabbed.
I was played. I was a child.

Even those words
kept me up at night.
'I need to be perfect.'
I told myself repeatedly.

'So they'll only see
perfection in me.'
I will be the princess
that everyone desires.

I skipped meals and pretended
to be fine when it pained me.
I locked myself up in a world
surrounded by dusty books.

I can't be fat. I can't be stupid.
I can't be laughed at.
I can't be ignored. Not backstabbed.
I can't be played. I can't be a child.

I needed to be thin--to be smart.
To be the one who laughs.
To be the one doing the ignoring and backstabbing.
The one who plays. To grow up.

Determined, I starved.
I felt like dying.
I even fainted sometimes,
but even that was alright.

If I could make those people
who mocked my innocent self
eat their words next time,
I would be more than fine.

Months. Years. Who knows?
That sickly princess recovered.
And she was now
who she desired.

The next time they saw her,
they were in awe.
She was thin and beautiful.
Not illiterate; truly mature.

A butterfly, they called me.
But even butterflies
had it easier
than I did.

Words changed lives,
indeed it did.
But not in the way
they wanted it to be.