Entendre

17.3: Ice

To my dearest body, hello.

I'll just say this in advance—I've been reckless towards you again. Just today while I was walking towards the dining table to have dinner, I simply passively glanced down at the food and held the stinging hot corner of the rice cooker. I don't know, body, but my brain told me it didn't want to eat, so I sighed and left, telling my brother that I didn't feel like eating.

He looked awfully suspicious, you know? He even asked me if I was sure of my choice, tried to convince me that the viand was yummy as hell and he found no reason that I'd reject it since I liked feeding on that too. I had no control over my mouth back then so of course I said, "yeah, sure, whatever," and just left without saying a word.

I went back to the room and have neglected you. Here I am writing this little piece of trash to notify you how people care for you but you don't really feel it. You know why? Because it's all false. You know the thing that's so cruel about the brain, body? Because it knows so well that it has me tearing away each hair strand away from my scalp just so I could ignore it—the pang of pain.

You know what else that's cruel, body?

Every time you go back or leave, you'll still be alone, with nothing to feed yourself. You're too engrossed in eating away your sanity to even believe that you're hungry. Stop this tomfoolery and just let the mind lead you already, you insufferable ingrate!

So do I have you convince that you don't need to eat tonight? You're damn right I'm telling you the truth. Wreck your health and people will tell you not to do it. But really, whose body is getting wrecked anyways? It's not like words are going to feed you, you fool. Don't even be deceived. You should cut off your ears too, that way you won't hear the words of deceit; blind yourself so you won't see the lies of the world.

Feeling a lot better now? No? Oh, you're not hungry anymore so I guess I did convince you.