I am not one to create or keep New Years resolutions. They are always forgotten about or shoved aside for other parts of my life. New years has always just been another day to me, with little significance other than the fact that a new calendar year has begun.
I actually wanted to talk about a retreat I went on a few weeks ago, and about how it changed my views on life as it is. It was an eye-opener to some internal struggles I have had, and have been keeping to myself for a good 3 or 4 years now. I could just take the easy route and say that Search (the name of the retreat I went on) taught me to open up to people, but the truth is that its just not that simple. Its hard to open up about our problems, that's just a fact. I decided to only open up to one person, and that was because she was going through much of the same bullshit I was going through at the time. I felt like telling people about how worthless I felt was a weakness, like that was the cowards way of survival. As I found out, it takes far more courage, bravery, and strength to admit to anybody how low I felt, and what extent I went to in order to just get out of it alive. Talking about our shortcomings and downfalls is not in any way a weakness. It doesn't mean we can't save ourselves, it doesn't mean we are cowards, it means we at least have the guts to admit it.
So tying back to New Years, even though it is now January 2nd, I am making a commitment. Not a resolution I am going to make and then forget about, a commitment. I am going to stop being afraid of being friendly to people. I am going to be there for the people I care about. I am going to forgive old enemies and move on with my life. There are better things to do with my life, and this will no longer be about just a New Year. This is about a new chapter of my life. This is about looking ahead in life and not holding onto what is better left behind.
As for my social life, I promise to be there for my real friends, not for those who make me pick and choose whose side I am on. I am going to cut out the venomous people in my life, and I am not going to let them step on me any more.
Don't tread on me.
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Incomplete thoughts
No FicciónI usually delete alot of stories I put on here, mostly for one of two reasons: 1. because it was an incomplete thought, and needed to be thought through more before being published to the world. 2. because I thought it was too whiny, boring, or vag...
