Wiccan Eyes

Beginning

Who am I?

           I am a 16 year old girl, going to be 17 in a few days. I know what you might be thinking, "A sixteen year old child...writing about religion...Here we go...". It isn't like that at all. I am not like those people, who say they are born again, or is doing Wicca because I felt like being a rebel. Absolutely not. I never felt that way when I started Wicca. It was actually quite the opposite...

           Where do I begin? Ah yes. I am currently residing near a city. So I can assure you, I don't walk out of my house naked and dance in the forest. Not yet anyways. I will say, that I am under a strict Catholic roof, and everything I do and say has to be reflected in some sort of Catholic way. Keep in mind, I am not claiming to be a Wiccan, because I felt like being disobedient towards my family. I claim to be Wiccan, because I strongly believe it is for me. 

             I used to be such a devout Catholic, believing in Mother Mary, Jesus, God, e.t.c. I remember when there were nights I couldn't overcome, I would grab a cross from my wall, and pray to Mother Mary. I would cry and ask for her to watch over my family and friends. I never asked for anything personal. No money, no fame...nothing. I would then proceed to put the cross back on my wall, and blissfully fall asleep. 

            Fast forward, to when I was 11. One night, my father had gotten a call from my mother's sister. My aunt had told my father that her son in law suffered a heart attack. Upon hearing this, images of my cousin and her four kids flashed before me. My cousin's kids all have issues. Some suffer from eczema, alopecia, bipolar disorder, you name it. The youngest was even a miracle child.  All ranged between the ages 13-5. I remember I had immediately grabbed my cross and prayed. I prayed, like the whole situation depended on it.  

"Dear God, don't take the father away. Please. These kids need him more then ever. It isn't his time...Please. Please. Please...PLEASE."

            Soon, my family received a phone call. My cousin's husband had passed away. Now I know it is unfortunate...loved ones eventually go, but the way he passed is what shocked me. He had taken a shower, and started having a heart attack. His wife pulled him out. Frantic, the wife called the kids in to call 911. Soon, the father had passed, in the wife's arms, and with all four kids, watching. 

            If I could display that memory in front of you all. You would all see that with my tears, I could've forged a whole new river. Such a terrible time. It had rattled my brain so much. I said to myself, "How could a god do this? Some jealous god I believed in! A god takes a man from a family who now has to suffer MORE...What kind of crap is this??". The irony is, through her husband's passing, it helped grow my cousin's faith in God, but I let it completely terminate my faith. When I call her from my phone to check up on her and the kids, I always get a lecture on how "God works in mysterious ways. The Big Man upstairs has a plan alright!". Now I scoff at her. I had convinced myself that she was under some sort of Catholic Spell. (Haha...Witch Joke.)

               For quite some time, I didn't have a religion.  I didn't believe in evolution, I didn't believe in a higher power, I didn't believe in anything. I didn't know what to believe. The religion I grew up with had disappointed me. What was I suppose to do? What I did was stay as a sad sack for a long time. Until one night...all that changed when I went to do some researching on the Internet. (This is where it all began!) I was doing some religion homework. (I have been in Catholic school all my life. So Religion is a mandatory curricular subject.) I think I had to read some Maryknoll magazines, which is a christian magazine that talks about Youth Preacher teens, churches being built in Haiti, and all that religious jazz. I had to read the magazines, and find an article about current events and see how one connects with the other, religious wise. Upon looking through the many links on Google, I see one in huge capital letters, "SATANISM IN TODAY'S YOUTH!" (Or something like that. Definitely Christian propaganda.) Of course, I was curious! I clicked on it and boy was I frightened! 

"WICCA IS NO JOKE. SATANISM IS LURING THESE KIDS TO THE DARK SIDE! ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT IN CATHOLICISM, THERE IS NO DARK SIDE. THERE IS ALWAYS AND WILL FOREVER BE LIGHT. JESUS HAS NO DARK SIDE! WE ARE TOTAL BIGOTS!!" (Yada Yada Yada!)

                Of course, it scared me! The devil? SATAN? Holy CRAP! Uh no. Nope. Nope. Nope. Absolutely not. Reflecting on young me, this is typical. I was easily influenced, and easily scared. I have old school parents, who really frown upon this kind of stuff. Of course I am going to think negatively about it all,  but ultimately it didn't really make me want to put my faith back in God, or anything for that matter. A religion that condemns people that they're going to a realm of  eternal hell fire for doing bad deeds? Nope! When I die, I wanted to be up there in the clouds, or somewhere nice, with gargantuan angel wings,  come down from the sky like a bad-ass and knock down walls with my awesome divine trumpet playing. (Not in a million years.)

                Even though I had looked at it from a negative Christian point of view, I had never forgot about, "That religion with the star...that's in a circle...Wick...Wick-something..." Soon enough, I sat back down at my laptop, looked it up. This time I made SURE I had looked at it from a different viewpoint. When I did... I was immediately entranced. 

This was the start...of something amazing.