I walked into the arena and immediately smiled as I am basked with this familiar feeling.
Same arena.
Same noise.
Same game.
The same level of all revelry around me..
Save for one thing.
I look behind me as I watched my team jumping and playing around. A team of carry overs from our championship team, plus a returnee, and a bunch of rookies with wide-eyed excitement.
But I had to stop myself from looking for that 1 familiar form.
The lone person wearing the odd color amidst a team of blues or whites, depending upon the uniform of the day. She who was strong enough to carry us all in her shoulders as our sole defender, both on and off court. The girl who always made me feel that she got my back, no matter what.
It still takes getting used to not seeing her here with me. Somehow, I'd always feel as if she's just there, ready to tap my back to let me know what she wants me to do. Rushing to hug me with every point. Lifting me when I fall.
I run my eyes around the sea of people, and for a moment, I get scared.
Can I do this without her?
I had to wring my hands as I feel my cold sweat palms. My heart starting to pound with the anxiety I felt. I closed my eyes, as I tried to calm myself.
"Den, I need you. I don't think I can do this alone..." I steadied my breathing, refusing to give in to the impending tears. I have to be strong.. For this team.. For her.
HER.
She would want me to do this. To continue fighting for our dreams. To fight for this team. I know, from where she's standing, she would be my loudest cheerleader. But here, right now, without her, I feel the emptiness where her hand should have been in mine.
Honestly, I don't know what's making me more emotional now. The fact that I am in the first game of my last season, or the fact that, for the first time in 5 years, I am playing this game without her.
There are thousands of people in this small space that the noise is deafening. And yet it feels empty for that one spot that's missing it's once beloved occupant. A space that only she could illuminate.
Ten thousand people.. And yet my heart yearns to see one familiar face.
I sighed and tried to shake the thoughts off my head. Shifting, I touched my uniform.. The last uniform I'll ever don for the blue and white. The last battle with the lady eagles.
When the last ball has been played, and the last point has been scored, I will be hanging my jersey at the end of this era.
The beginning of the end.
"Hey.."I felt someone gently rub my back and hook her arm around my shoulders to hug me.
For a moment, my heart skipped, hoping.. But immediately crashing down.
"Kiwi" I signed. Of course, she's not here, no matter how much I will it to happen.
"Feels different, huh?" She asked, giving me a lopsided smile.
Scanning her eyes around the arena, she nudges me. "Hey, let's give them the greatest show that they deserve. Give them something to remember our last season by.... Ok?
I just nod my head, trying to stop the impending tears.
"I'll just go for the lockers.." I rushed to the dug-out, as finally, the floodgates of tears have opened.
I sat on my corner, crying and praying, eyes closed with my head hung low. "I'm scared.." I kept mumbling.
That's when I felt someone gently rub my hair, urging me to look up.
Lifting my head, I found myself looking into gentle eyes, as she knelt in front of me.
"I'm may not be beside you, but I never left you." She smiled as she pulled me to stand, cradling my face in her hands as she peppered me with kisses.
"But this time, I will be fighting for you and not with you..." She embraced me to calm me down.
"You can do this, my love.."
"I'm not sure..."
"Shhhh..." She lifted my chin and crashed our lips together, giving me the strength I needed.
Then the buzzer finally went off, this is it.
We walked out of the lockers, I turning right towards the court, her to the left towards the gallery.
I tried to hold on to her hand until I slowly felt it slip away. I took one last glance at her, before I continued walking.
Alone in this empty hallway. For the first time without her beside me.
