I scramble through my bag as I try to look for the keys to my condo.
After the devastating loss this afternoon, a back-to-back loss after what everyone will remember as a perfect season, we find ourselves the recipient of everyone's scorn.
I had to take a deep breath and steady my emotions as I remembered how people jeered at us as soon as we lost the game. The mocking laughter as we made our way out of the court still resonates in my ear.
The same people who once cheered for us, were so quick to cast stones and criticisms. That we're "has beens", nothing but a bunch of over-hyped up players, who wouldn't stand a chance to defend our crown.
I closed my eyes and leaned my head on the door, to weak to even move, as I feel a wave of nausea hit me.
I dont want to stay at the dorm. Even for just this moment, I would allow myself to withdraw from all the noise, the pressure, the judgments... the hate. Just for tonight, I want to be away from it all.
I just wish to be enveloped by this silence.. to be comforted by this solitude. For once, to be allowed to surrender to my emotions.. to let it all out.
Cry, if I need to
Scream out all the pain
These are the consequences of the fame that people gave me, but one I never asked for. Of being one Alyssa C. Valdez, the PHENOM.
But sometimes I wish for some normalcy.
Be just a normal 22 year old who is allowed to make mistakes, instead of being scrutinized under a microscope at all times.
To fall and not be taunted
To be helped instead of shoved around persecuted.
"Hey.."
I heard someone speak behind me, and I whip around quickly. Not that I even had to open my eyes to know who it was.
Hey eyes were filled with questions, but I didnt have the strength to utter anything. I just shook my head, and bowed my head down in shame.
Shame. For failing my team, the throngs of blue faithfuls who supported us, the school...
She slowly walked towards me, touching my face to lift my chin to face her. She looks straight into my eyes and gives me a faint nod, as she reaches out to take the keys from my hand. She takes my bag from me as she opens the door, hooking our arms together as we entered.
Without any words, she sat me down on the couch, then she proceeded to the kitchen to get me a glass of water. I must have still been so lost in my thoughts that I didnt notice her until she was right in front of me, instructing me to take a drink.
"Did you eat?"
"No."
"Do you want me to get you anything?"
"No."
"Do you want to talk about it?
"No."
3 strikes, you're out! And silence befell us. She slightly nodded her head, respecting my decision.
She reached out to take my hand, and brought this to her lips. I could feel her lils shaking, letting me know that she was as affected by this loss as much as I am.
"I didnt see you smile the whole game.."
"Who would be able to smile when you're being whipped dead?"
"It's just one game.."
"2 in a row, actually"
"You'll bounce back"
"Tell that to them, they've practically written us off as contenders after today"
"You'll figure this out. You always do"
"What if I cant? What if it's really over?"
We sat there staring into each other's eyes in silence.
"You know it's not.." it was her turn to sigh, attempting to uncork the pressure filled room.
"What if they're right? That I can't do this without you? That I am nothing without you?"
"You know that's not true" she cupped my face, trying to discern all the crazy thoughts in my head.
"You're greater than whatever missteps you had today. A loss doesnt define you. You're the phenom.."
"Sometimes I wish I wasnt the phenom... I wish I could go back to when it was so simple. When people accepted me for being myself, and not give be the weight of the world in one teenager's shoulders."
"Shhh.. I know you, and I know you will hurdle all the challenges thrown at you now. After you have restarted your system, they will again witness your greatness."
She embraces me, placing my head on her shoulders as she caresses my back. "But for now, be a kid. Nobody will judge you here."
She kissed my eyes, urging me to look at her and see the sincerity in her eyes. "Im here Ly.. when nobody else would remember your name, I will still be here."
I clutched her, as finally I gave in to the tears. Releasing the loud sobs that I have long repressed inside me, my body wracking with the overflow of emotions.
An anguished cry heard in the four corners of this room. Hidden inside these walls, she finally, finally, surrenders to the pain.
