Difficulty in using the action or power of focusing one's attention or mental effort
It's like her brain is programmed to only think of him and the disaster that was their friendship. A friendship; that's all they were and she knows that now.
It was a friendship that I messed up.
She can't stop blaming herself for what happened between them. Maybe if she only saw it as a friendship to begin with they would have been best friends that would eventually turn into love, or maybe it wouldn't have. All she knows is that she needs him in her life somehow, someway.
She can't focus on anything at all. She can only think about him. Schoolwork, work, having conversations, or talking to her parents is not a priority of hers. Being happy is her priority, and he makes her happy, he made her happy. All she knows is that she wants to be happy again. She wants him to make her happy again.
She can hardly do anything without being reminded of him. She can't go to the beach because it reminds her of the ocean, she can't go on her phone without being tempted to text him,
She can't read a book without being reminded of his words and how she'd rather be listening or reading his words and not some author's that she has to settle for, and She can't hang out with her friends without thinking of hanging out with him. He was everywhere without being anywhere at all.
"Are you there? Are you even listening to me?"
She stopped listening twelve minutes ago when her friend brought up a bird outside of their house that wouldn't stop chirping. It reminded her of his words.
"I hear you in the sound of the birds chirping."
She misses their conversations almost as much as she misses him. She talked to him about anything and everything. Sometimes they talked about the most serious things like their future or how their days went and sometimes they talked about the stupidest things like if raspberries were pink or red or if giraffes have three meals a day like most humans do. And just like that, her focus was completely gone, yet she lies to her friend.
"Of course I'm listening. Why wouldn't I be?"
Her friend obviously doesn't believe her, but her friend never thought in a million years that someone like him could have that big of an effect on someone, and she wants to keep it that way. She knows that no one will ever be able to understand how she feels, so she lets them think that she's listening to save her the judgement and the pain that comes with talking about him.
