gamer-tag {m.g.c}

III

•trigger warning•

My obnoxiously loud alarm clock woke me up from my deep slumber. I groaned in frustration as I turned around and pushed the clock off my nightstand.

I sighed in relief once I heard the alarm clock fall to the floor and shut off. I turned my body back around to face the window where the sun was shining through my curtains and blinding me.

I groaned again and covered my eyes trying to avoid getting up. Soon I gave up and realized that I probably wasn't going back to sleep. I rolled my eyes and laid in bed for a good 10 minutes, debating whether I should get up or not.

I sighed heavily and rolled out of my oh-so comfortable bed and made my way towards my bathroom.

I tried my best at avoiding looking at myself in the mirror but of course today wasn't my lucky day.

I stared at myself for what seemed like forever. I pointed out each and every flaw I could find and sighed sadly.

My big green eyes seem to take up all of my face, I hate my eyes. My brunette hair seemed to be getting greasy and unhealthy, I hate my hair. My cheeks seemed to be getting bigger and I don't even know how that's possible.

I sighed and began taking off my clothes. I shivered when cold air hit my exposed skin. Of course, can't leave out my stomach.

It seemed to be getting bigger lately and I can't take it. I rested my hands on my belly and tried pushing it down to make it flatter, nothing worked.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I backed up against the bathroom door. I slid down and brought my knees to my chest. I began crying softly at first but soon those soft cries turned into loud sobbing.

I hate myself so much.

I furiously wiped under my eyes and laughed at how pathetic I was. I picked myself off the floor and turned on the shower. I made sure it was the perfect temperature before I jumped in.

I washed my body and hair quickly before I turned off the shower and hopped out. I wrapped a towel tightly around my body and went into my closet to pick out clothes.

I grabbed a maroon shirt with some ripped skinny jeans. I grabbed a bra and some undies and went back into the bathroom to change.

I slipped on all of my clothes but stopped when I reached my shirt. I stared long and hard at my body and came to conclusion on what I had to do.

Ever since my parents died, this seemed to be a way to forget about things like their death and my insecurities, it seemed to make me feel better. I've never realized why people did it, but now I know.

I opened up the mirror cabinet and looked for my makeup bag that I kept hidden away. I unzipped the purple bag and took out a small container that had my razor.

I opened the container and carefully put the razor on the palm of my hand. I started shaking since I haven't done this in a while. A few tears began to slip out of my eyes as I picked up the blade and examined it slowly.

My parents would be ashamed of me right now.

I tried thinking about my parents and Michael, but nothing seemed to work. Before I knew it, the blade was pressed against my wrist and I winced in pain.

I created four new cuts and I had to stop there. I knew if I didn't stop then something bad would've happened. I bandaged up my new 'cat scratches' and went to switch out my maroon short sleeve for a long sleeved sweatshirt.

I slipped the shirt on and went back into my room. I checked the time and realized I literally took an hour and a half to get ready.

I laughed at how long I took and looked down at my wrist. My laughed slowly died down and I examined the hello kitty bandages that hid my cuts. I pulled my sleeve back down and went to the kitchen to make some breakfast.

I grabbed a pan and a couple of eggs from the fridge and cracked them into the pan. I mixed the eggs repeatedly and waited for them to turn a white-ish color.

I went to the counter to grab my phone and checked to see if I had any notifications. I sighed when I saw I had none and locked my phone.

I went back to the stove and put the eggs on a plate. I added salt and a little bit of pepper to them before placing them on the counter. I poured myself a glass of orange juice and took my breakfast to my room.

I turned on my T.V and started a episode of Friends and began eating my breakfast.

I was intensely watching Ross and Rachael fight for the millionth time when I saw Michael was online.

I smiled brightly and went to check what he was doing. A game request popped up from him and I quickly accepted it. I grabbed my head set and sat back down on my bed. I placed my breakfast on the night stand, giving Michael my full attention.

The game loaded and I heard his angelic laugh, I don't know if it was because of me or if he was laughing at himself.

I ignored the first time he laughed but soon he started laughing out of no where. He hasn't even greeted me so it couldn't be me.

Then I heard it. I know I may be exaggerating right now, but not only did I hear a girls voice but I heard my heart breaking.

I never wanted to admit it but I may or may not have a crush on him. My breath hitched when I heard them talking and laughing together.

She's probably prettier then me.

She probably doesn't harm herself.

She probably loves herself more then I love myself.

She probably has a better body then me.

She's probably way better then me.

"Hey Sammi! I didn't even know your mic was on." I heard Michael laugh into his mic as he walked around my character that hasn't moved an inch.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I choked back a sob. I couldn't let him hear me.

"I have to go." My voice cracked slightly and I cursed under my breath.

Both of their laughter was gone and I heard shuffling from his mic.

"What? What's wrong? Samantha?" He asked worried.

"I'm fine." I simply said and disconnected my mic.

-

a/n: so basically Samantha is VERY self conscious and insecure. shes a jealous jelly bean because she heard that girls voice from Mikey's side of the microphone. I'm sorry if this isn't good, I promise next chapter is gonna be better! thank you for reading!!

- mandy xx

{10:24 p.m - 01•03•16}