Emotions // C.H

Depressed

CALUM
One day I will leave and live a normal life.

I knew this tweet would be controversial, but I had to get my feelings out. I can always delete it if I need to.

I'm laying on my messy bed, which I still haven't made. Lately I've been feeling so.... down. Like everyone isn't into our music anymore, but the boys are always assuring me saying that "it's only me". Yeah, whatever. I mean it's pretty obvious we aren't as popular as we were, and with the new article of Rolling Stones out, our career is slowly falling out. Fans think we are using, sexist mysogynist's. The truth is we aren't. It's as simple at that.

But what has made me feel so down at the moment is not having anyone that actually means something to me in my life. Like I need someone who I can say "I love you" to, can cuddle with, buy gifts for and take dates on. I can't do any of those things with the boys. I just want to be able to live life how I want it to be with people I love and live a "normal" life. If that even exists.

I am pulled out of my deep thoughts by a knock at the door. I don't even bother looking at the door, yelling "Come in!".

"I need a key you dumbass." I hear Michael yell back. I laugh silently and slowly get up to unlock the door. When I do, Michael walks straight in and falls on my bed. I close the door, walking back over to him and sitting down as well.

"So... I um.. I saw your tweet. What's going on?" He asked with worrying eyes.

"I'm okay Michael." I lie. I'm not going to tell him how much I crave a normal life.

"No you're not. I have been a bit sceptical lately; you've been really quiet. Even in shows." He says, calling me out.

"Fine Michael, believe what you want. I'm okay." I lie again. I can't tell him. He's the biggest mouth anyone has ever met.

"If you don't delete that tweet, your act of being 'fine' won't work for much longer." He stares at me for a few seconds with eyes full of scepticism, fear and sympathy.

A thick silence fills the air as I try to think of something to say to him. He knows how I feel, and if he knows, chances are a lot more people know too.

Without a word, he gets up and calmly walks out the door, making sure to be dramatically quiet. It's like he wants me to chase after him, revealing my deepest secret.

"Ugh." I face plant into my bed covers once he's left. I didn't have anything planned today. I wasn't seeing my parents until Wednesday, so I had today and tomorrow to waste. It'll probably just turn out to be just me in my room all day.

I feel so lonely. So empty. Like there's nothing left. And I'm being torn between telling the boys I'm okay and lying for the next 4 years, or being honest and telling them I want to leave the band and start a new life.

*****
Um ok so hi awemichael thanks for commenting on my post and voting lol you're probably going to be the only person reading this but eh I like writing. I have a really good plan for this story, so just bare with me.