Just A Little Different

Chapter 3

I awoke to a muffled crying. I did not open my eyes until I was fully aware of what was going on. I heard a hoarse sob and a cough. That was definitely coming from my room. Who else is in here? I suddenly remembered asking Ian to sleep over last night. My eyes flew open to be met with the light from the street lamp outside my room.

"Ian?" The crying immediately stopped, but he couldn't hold it in as he choked out another sob. It sounded rather painful. "Ian, what's wrong?" After a couple silent moments, I got an inaudible response. I sat up and, in the light of the street lamp, could just make out his shadow slumped over in the corner, his shoulders shaking with every painful sob.

I made my way over to him and sat next to him. As I put my arm around his shoulder and brought my other hand to his face, I felt him flinch pretty hard. Does he think I'm going to hit him? I wiped his tears away with my long sleeves. As I brought my hand down, I felt a sharp pain that was gone as I drew my hand away.

"Ow! What the freak was that?" Ian stopped sobbing once more. His breath came shallow, but steady. "Ian, are you holding something sharp?" No response. "Ian?"

"N-no," he stammered. His voice was very hoarse, but not the way it usually was. It sounded like he had almost cried the voice out of him. I look over to my digital clock on my bedside table. It's only two in the morning? I stand up and help Ian up as well. "Where are we going?"

"It's alright, dude. I'm just bringing you over to my bed. The floor is uncomfortable for me. I want to help you get through whatever's running through your mind right now." Your fragile, broken little mind.

He didn't argue and I sat him down and turned to my door. My light switch was over there. This is going to suck, I thought as I switched it on. The light blinded me for a moment, but my eyes adjusted quickly. I turned back to the bed and surveyed my surroundings, my gaze finally resting on the corner where Ian and I had sat not a moment before. A kitchen knife was lying flat on the floor, it's blade glinting...red? I felt an awful knot in my stomach as I walked over to Ian. I towered over him when he was sitting down, and I thought that would be a good way to get some answers from him, but I sat down instead, scaring him not being my intention.

"Ian, I know you were hurting yourself," I mumbled in a low tone, trying not to sound sad. I didn't want him to think I was disappointed in him when he feared disappointing people after his mom turned on him and his dad didn't even speak to him. What must it be like, living in a house with people who always give you the silent treatment, who are always so...mean?

Ian turned his eyes toward me. I could see pain in the blue depths, making them wildly bright. I read his features carefully. His eyes, his jawline, which was stiff. He must've been biting down to keep his sobbing under his control for a few moments, but he wouldn't be able to hold them back for long. His wavy hair was all tangled up in knots, leading me to believe he was so upset, he'd been pulling at it in a vain attempt to get his anger out. A single tear rolled down his cheek.

"Where did you hurt yourself," I asked, forcing myself to make contact with his, literally and metaphorically, broken eyes. He didn't respond. Instead, he looked away from me and gave me his left arm, blood starting to pool in his palm. Feeling slightly ill, I pulled back the sleeve. I just barely stopped myself from crying out as I pulled his sleeve up past his elbow.

From wrist to elbow, I found angry red cuts staring back at me. Some crossed each other, some had already scabbed over, and the deepest ones were near his veins. He was shaking violently but, other than that, he showed no signs of dangerous amounts of blood loss.

"M-mom..." I croaked hoarsely. "I-Ian I...MOM!"I yelled, panicky. Ian took his arm away and I ran from my room.

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"Ian, do I need to call your parents?" My breath hitched when I heard those dreaded words spoken from Ben's mom as she finished wrapping the bandage around my arm.

"It's probably best that you don't, " I whispered, my mouth feeling dry as sandpaper.

"You could've bled out tonight." She looked at me and I expected anger in her dark green gaze. Instead, I found a thoughtful look, one that said, 'tell me what's wrong.'

Ben was currently in the bathroom, getting sick. I think what happened had come as a complete shock to him, one that he couldn't take.

I sighed, tears forming, blurring my vision. I wiped them away though. I had to tell someone besides Ben. This was eating me alive. I gestured for her to sit next time to me, took a deep breath, and everything spilled out of my mouth at once; the abuse from my mom, the ignorance from my father, the bullying, the emotions tugging at my heart. Even when Ben walked back in, I kept my eyes to the floor, words still spilling from my mouth. I couldn't hear what I was saying after a while. I didn't feel Ben put his arm around me, could no longer feel the stares of his mom burning into me. I felt completely numb, no relief from telling another person, no panic about her going to my parents or teachers with this information, just empty numbness. That's when I snapped.

Before I realized what was happening, I jumped up off the bed and threw myself at the wall, hitting my head against it repeatedly, looking for anything, a thought, a feeling, something to tell me I'm not a freak. I couldn't feel anything, everything around me faded into the background with the voices of Ben and his mom.

~~~~~~~~

I started as my arm was flung off of Ian's shoulders as he jumped up and ran at the wall. I sat in momentary shock as he started slamming his head against the wall, screaming like there was a murderer in the house. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!" he screamed over and over, his voice growing more hoarse and desperate.

When I snapped out of my trance, I jumped up and started pulling frantically at Ian's arm from behind. "Ian, what's wrong?! Come on, dude!" My mom started pulling at his other arm, yelling at him to calm down, but he wouldn't budge. It was like he didn't even know we were there.

~~~~~~~~

I watched as the wall was torn away from me and I landed on my back, kicking and screaming still. A face appeared before my eyes, skin pale with anxiety, green eyes glimmering with worry, soft lips moving, quickly at first, but slowing. My arms were being held down. I struggled to calm my breathing. Everything slowed down. I could feel again, hear again. I had a massive headache and pain jolted through my back. A hand was gently caressing my forehead, though I still had two hands holding my arms down. My kicking slowed to a stop. I heard a gentle hushing sound in my ear. The other face was closer now and I recognized Ben once more.

I heard him softly murmuring. "It's alright. Calm down. Everything will be okay." His voice was soothing. The pitch didn't bother me. It never did. It always relaxed me to hear it, to know that I still had a friend who cared. The hands on my arms released their grip and I held them to my head, wincing at the pain from the many knots that were sure to form there. How many times did I hit my head?

"I'll get some ice," another voice said sympathetically as she ran out of the room. Ben's hand never left my head, stroking it gently.

"Are you alright?" he asked. I nodded slowly. What happened, dude?"

"I...I don't know..." I shivered. "I...I couldn't hear, couldn't...feel."

"Did you black out?"

"I don't...think so. I think I...I think I broke under pressure. I'm not used to telling people about what happens to me."

"You were screaming." He looked away and his gentle strokes on my head ceased. "You kept yelling what's wrong with me over and over..."

I tensed. Maybe there is something wrong with me...