Just A Little Different

Chapter 31

"Um...can I help you?" I looked up as Ben rested his chin on my shoulder. I was reading, and I hated people being over my shoulder when I was reading. I read some weird stuff.

"Whatcha reading?" He dragged out the words.

"None of your business." I used the same tone.

"Rude," he muttered. I rolled my eyes and turned my head to face him. He looked so happy, but also a bit of nervousness twinkled in his eyes.

"What are you so happy about?" I smirked.

"Tomorrow," he glanced down shyly. I suddenly remembered that tomorrow would be the wedding and a heap of nerves were suddenly thrown at me all at once. I turned back to my book, trying to hide my eyes from him. He always told me my eyes give away my emotions. So have other people. "Dude, you don't look so good. Like, all of the color just drained out of your face." He pulled a chair up next to me. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," I replied, still looking at the book, unable to concentrate on the words.

"Ian." I feel his hand on my shoulder, his gaze burning into me. I sighed, turned down the corner of the page I was on and set the book down. "Look at me. Aren't you happy?" There was pain in his tone.

I forced myself to look at him. "I...I mean, yeah, I'm happy, I'm just...nervous." Understanding came to his green eyes, and he looked down for a minute. "It's just.. I'm more focused on 'what ifs' and afraid of 'go for it.' Something could happen in the next few months that could tear us apart anyway."

"I'm nervous too, Ian. Don't say that. You can't always focus on the bad when we have so much good coming our way right now. If something does happen in a few months, we worry about that then. Hopefully, the only thing happening then is a happy birthday and a new addition to the house. Hint hint." He winked a couple of times at the last part and I couldn't help but grin. What a dope.

"I told you we will talk about that later. I hope this 'new addition' you're referring to is a dog, because they're easier to take care of than children." He laughed.

"I love you so much. I have to get ready for work now. Just think about what I said," he said a little more seriously.

"About the new addition?" I joked.

"You know what I mean!"

--------------------

The house always was pretty lonely without Ben, and today it was worse. I could no longer focus on my book because of nerves, so I was stuck with nothing to do. Adam and Ambrew were either in class or at work, so I couldn't Skype them. I didn't exactly have many friends I could talk to, Minecraft was boring without someone else to play with, so I decided to take a trip down to the river. It felt like ages since I'd been there.

I skipped rocks and watched animals, mice scuttering through leaves, squirrels climbing, a raccoon wander in, stare at me for a while and then walk away. It was very peaceful. I could just fall asleep there. In fact, I almost did, until I remembered Ben would worry like crazy if I wasn't home when he got there. I didn't bring my phone with me because I didn't see the point. I had a watch I could use, nobody would be trying to get ahold of me, right?

I finally decided to go home around 5:00. The sun still hung in the sky, but it was slowly going down. It had been a very beautiful day and I had lots of time to think. I felt around my pockets for my keys, having a mini heart attack when I couldn't find them. Did I bring them? I tried the doorknob and sighed when it opened. What idiot leaves the door unlocked in a town like this? I ran inside and ran to my room. Sure enough, my keys were on the bed, where I'd left them while I was getting ready specifically so I would remember to grab them. Relief washed over me when I saw them. I was thankful I hadn't lost them. I scooped up my phone from the bedside table and stuffed it in my pocket, then put the keys into the drawer of the desk across the room.

I then went to the living room. Something was out of place, I could feel it. I looked around. I felt like I was being watched. Maybe it's just me, I thought, and sat down on the couch, the hair rising on the back of my neck. It's just anxiety. It's not always triggered by anything, I kept telling myself. I closed my eyes, willing the feeling to go away, but it didn't. I left that room and went back to my own room, over to the window I was supposed to close before I went to bed last night. It was so nice out with the wind blowing after a long, hot day, I had decided to leave it open. I didn't think Ben noticed. He was asleep before I was, and he was too tired when he woke up from his dream to pay any attention to it. With my anxiety on the brink of sending me down crazy lane, I slammed the window shut. I should've locked the door and shut the window before, because now I was afraid. Ben had told me not to focus on the what ifs, but I couldn't help thinking, what if someone is in the house?