Something I need more in life is to be more optimistic. I always let the smallest things break me down and it's sickening. My day today was ruined before I could even force myself out of bed; which I was literally in for less than a couple hours. Being woke up by the sound of his voice made me cringe enough before I even heard what happened. I just try and try to be happy but the smile fades from my face as soon as I walk through my front door. At least at school there's a select few people that make me laugh but here it's just tense all the time and I really hate it. Working out would boost my mood but I don't want to be judged for doing so. Music numbs the pain for a few hours but I don't even have headphones taking that away as an option. I'm just so stuck in this shitty atmosphere and I don't belong here. I dream of doing big things, but this house is honestly holding me back. Some people tell me I have a lot of courage for being able to handle so much shit and not just survive, but strive through it. To them, me having a heart for everything and everyone makes me weak. Is this true? Am I supposed to go through life heartless and cold like the rest of them? What is family? Aren't they supposed to be the ones supporting your choices instead of shaping you into someone they want you to be? I don't care, I'm over it.
