Porcelain (drarry)

Chapter 1

It was summer break, a time for happiness and joy, laughter and fun, but not for me. I was not happy or joyful neither laughing or having fun through out the summer. Yes it's said that summer is full of discovery, but what I found ruined my life, and me, slowly.

2 weeks until Hogwarts again. Joy. I looked back at the unfinished school work, piled on my desk. My head sunk deep into the palms of my hands whilst my fingers gripped onto chunks of hair. Everything was getting to me. All of it. Swirling in my head. Relentless. Pounding. Screams and shouts. Words people had said. Faces is passed in the street. Phrases I'd read in books.

"Getting on with school work I see" I heard a deep, stern voice from the door way. I jolted up, grasping for quill and paper to act as if I was.

"Draco. This is NOT what I expect if you. Why are you mucking around when there is work to be done. You know who you are?" He glared at me, eyes relentless. "YOU ARE A MALFOY, AND MALFOYS DO NOT SIT AROUND WASTING TIME. YOU ARE HEAR FOR ONE PURPOSE ONLY. DO NOT PUSH ME. YOU ARE REPLACEABLE. " He bellowed. He turned, slamming the door on the way out, shaking the room. I picked up my quill and began to write. The writing was distorted from shaking hands but homework was being done, at a less than decent standard granted, but being done none the less.

Hours flew by as I mindlessly scribbled words onto paper about potions and charms and pixies and trolls but nothing meant anything. It was all just edited copies of information from text books.

As the outside world grew darker, I finished writing, laid my quill down and wandered to my bed. I could hear father down stairs talking, so I choose not to ask for anything to eat but just started to get undressed. As each article of clothing came off, I folded it nearly and placed it on a box, ready to be packed for school. Glancing upwards, I saw my reflection in a mirror. My reflection. The pure repulsion was visible on my face. I was not perfect anymore. Not since...mother. For I was only a thing now. Something for someone else's use. A toy for someone's cruel hands. And toys get broken. And broken things get replaced. I scanned myself up and down, looking. Just looking. The scars. The bruises. The cuts. The red marks.

Reality came crashing back when father made a load thumping noise downstairs. Dragged out of my thoughts I jumped into bed, just in case he came. And the thoughts came back. Just wavering in my head for a moment, then moving on. But each was worse than the other, and each day brought new thoughts, hurtful thoughts. I lay on my side, listening to each of them. Considering the threats. Reliving the 'incidents'. I fell deeper and deeper into the void of self loathing that night, more so than usual. It was because I had found out something. Something that was wrong.

I saw some people playing out side my window earlier today. Boys and girls, a mix of both. Passing a ball around in no particular fashion except to waste time. I stared. Thoughts crossed my mind. My eyes where drawn more to certain people than others. Boys more than girls. Different thoughts would occur in my mind, I would try to loose them but they where part of me. Who I am.

Gay.

With the last thought, a tear rolled across my cheek to the pillow. I couldn't change it, but it was so wrong I'd have to. I slid open a draw next to my bed and fumbled in it, tears dripping of my face. I wasn't crying, mealy anticipating what was to come. The punishment. I found the cold metal and picked it up carefully. I brought it up to eye level, studying it in minimal light. It was my best and worst friend. The relief it gave was awesome, but the pain it left was even greater. I placed it on to my skin, hidden from view to anyone who saw me daily, and let my anger take over. The torment I received drove the metal down, repeatedly. Ripping up old scars to decorate them with new ones.

I continued until I was too tired to physically do one more stroke. The metal fell from my hands as I rested. But one thought kept me awake. It swirled in my mind. Gay. I grabbed at the box under my pillow, filled with bandages and tissue to soak up spilt blood. I cleaned up quickly, before dropping into a dreamless sleep, stinging in both legs.

-2 weeks later-

It was the day before school and I had to pack. I jumped out of bed, wincing at the sharp pulling apart of fresh cuts and threw some clothes on. Almost immediately I started throwing clothes into my trunk and placing my robes on top carefully so they didn't crease. I ran back and forth collecting books and equipment form around my room and piling it neatly on top of the trunk.

By the time I'd finished it was midday. I was starving. I quickly made a sandwich and returned to my room, awaiting the arrival of the next day. Hogwarts wasn't that bad, I was doing what I loved and I was away from father. It was more exciting as it grew near. I perched myself at the window, staring out desperately, waiting for the sun to set.