Francine & Earl

Grow

(A/N The next two chapters will be written in a way to make it seem like talking on the phone/texting/etc. I hope this doesn't confuse anyone!)

"Hello?"

"Dad?"

"FRANCINE! Oh my gosh, is the world coming to an end? You never call me. Are you okay? Did you fall down the stairs again? How many times do I have to tell you that I can't help-"

"Dad, I didn't fall down the stairs. Calm down."

". . ."

"Okay, I'm calm. What's up, kiddo?"

"Ugh, nothing. I'm just bored."

"Oh really. I thought you were calling me from the goodness in your heart to tell the person who created you how much you miss them."

"Are you talking about mom? Mom's here."

". . ."

"I'm just kidding, dad. How's the trip?"

"As boring as you are. I know you called because you want to talk. What is it about? Oooh, is it about boys? I bet it's about boys."

". . ."

"Hmm, you're silent. I was right wasn't I?"

"Well . . . you're not exactly wrong."

"My baby's all grown up! Do I need to start planning a wedding? What am I going to wear? I swear, if I see another suit I will pull my eyes out of-"

"Dad! It's not like that."

". . ."

"Did he hurt you? Is that why you're calling, to put out a hit? Do I need to tell your mother to load up her shotgun?"

"No, Dad. We're just friends. Can we please stop playing twenty questions?"

"Okay. Fine."

". . ."

". . ."

". . ."

"I can't do this anymore, the suspense is killing me. What's his name?"

"I'm not going to tell you anything about him, Dad, so how about we talk about something else."

"Humph. I bet you would tell me if I was a 'cool' parent. Well, I'm sorry I don't let you go out day-drinking in nothing but a bra and tube socks so you can go wandering in the parks like those other wackos on the news let their kids do. I just want some information."

". . ."

"Dad, I think you might need some help, and a new news station."

"The only help I need is in the form of the identity of the mystery guy you won't tell me about. Jonathon won't even tell me."

"Jonathon?"

"Yep, my DBFWLHETGMI . And I bribed him with unsupervised sleepovers at our house. Wait, that sounded wrong."

"DBFWLHETGMI? What the hell is that?"

"Hey, language. But, it just means my daughter's best friend that would do anything for her, so I can exploit him to get what I want. Man, why is everything I'm saying make me seem like one of those guys on To Catch a Predator."

"Those aren't even the letters in that god awful acronym. Are you going to tell me what those letters really mean?"

"Nope. But Jonathon can. Give me a second, kiddo."