SOS- A Jaspar AU

1- Caspar Lee

Bad thoughts ruled my life.

It started with that annoying little tickle in the back of my mind. That thing that tells you when to do something. It was constantly reminding me how I was nothing, how the world would be better off without me.

I didn't listen to it at first.

I didn't even listen when I first had the thought of trying self-harm. I remember that day clearly. It was right before I got fired from my job and dumped by my girlfriend.

Basically, this was the last thought I had before my life started spiraling into a pit of nothingness and oblivion.

Nowadays, these thoughts were the first thing in my mind when I woke up and the last to enter my mind before settling down to a night of bad dreams. I was used to the white scars that littered my arms and the fresh cuts that replaced them every morning.

Today was a Sunday. An unfortunate, miserable Sunday just like all the rest. It felt like I was only subjected to living my life because someone loved to torture me to no end. Maybe that was why I hadn't had a clean thought in such a long time.

I scowled, listening to the constant sound of my boots scuffing along the pavement.

Even my family, the people I trusted to help me through this entire ordeal, had started avoiding me. My parents probably believed that I was simply off my rocker. The last time I had seen my sister Theodora, I had called her an inconsiderate bitch. So now I kept to myself for the most part.

It was snowing in London, causing little white flakes to land in my blonde hair as I walked to the small coffee shop around the corner from my flat. Even in my jacket, I was shivering.

I had never been 'big boned', but now I was just plain scrawny. You could see the harsh indent of my collarbone, and the knobs that should have been strong knees and elbows. My eyes were lined by dark bags and suken from my lack of sleep. And, of course, the thin scars all over my arms that I tried so desperately to hide from the rest of the world.

I entered the coffee house and was hit by the welcoming scent of cinnamon and nutmeg. Kicking the snow off of my shoes, I stepped up to the short line of people standing in front of the kiosk.

There were people spread out in different corners of the room, most chatting away, some on computers or cellphones.

The line shuffled forwards agonizingly slowly. I leaned against the countertop, raking a hand through my hair softly.

"Can I help you, sir?" The barista asked me.

I sighed, looking uo at the menu that hung from the ceiling. "Just a cappuccino."

"£2.34." I fetched the crinkled £5 note out of the back pocket of my skinny jeans, trying to ignore the guy behind me who was practically staring a hole through my head.

I gave her the money and turned to face the guy behind me. "Do you need something?"

"Oh, now I remember you, mate! We want to school together. Jasper, right?" He laughed.

"It's Caspar, and I'm not your mate." I mumbled, grabbing my coffee off of the counter and stepping away.

"Hold up! Yea, I remember you. You were the little gay fag that everybody made fun of in high school." He grabbed my forearm, making me wince at the stab of pain that went up my arm at the sudden pressure.

"Leave me alone, would you? I'm not in the mood, Garret." I growled at him and yanked my arm out of his firm grip. "Especially not to deal with a brainless narcissist."

"What did you just call me?" Garret stepped towards me, making me feel even smaller than usual. Sure, I was tall, but Garret was ripped. In a fight, I was sure to be beaten to a ruddy pulp. "Yea that's what I thought. Little gay faggot knows he can't touch me-"

That's as far as he got before my fist met his jaw with a sickening crack. Coffee went on the floor and Garret slipped on it, causing him to fall right in a puddle of coffee and whipped cream.

"Break it up!" A guy came running up behind me and threw himself between me and a spluttering Garret. "Get out of here before I call the cops!"

I dropped my coffee and stormed out of the joint into the cold. I felt like screaming or punching something, but I knew that wouldn't be a good idea. So I walked over to the small park across the street.

"Hey, wait up!" Someone yelled. I turned around and came face the face with someone I'd never seen before.

He was pale, about my height with raven black hair and bright blue eyes.

"Do I know you?" I asked rudely.

"I don't think so." He panted. His breath was white in the frigid air. "I wanted to see if you were alright."

"Yea, yes I'm fine." I continued walking, but he followed.

He was silent for a moment. "He's wrong, you know." I cocked my head to the side. "I mean, that guy back there- he had no right to call you something like that."

"You mean gay?" I laughed. "It's true for all you know."

"I just mean, it's none of his business." He explained, easily keeping pace with my long strides.

"Oh, and it is your business?"

"Well n-no not really," he took a deep breath. "Look I'm just trying to be nice, you know. I just moved to London from Manchester."

I pushed my hair back. He seemed nice, he just didn't seem like someone I'd get to know. I looked over at him and I have me a big smile. His eyes crinkled up at the corners in a cute fashion.

"I'm Caspar." I said finally.

"Nice to meet you." He stuck out a hand to shake, which I ignored. "I'm Phil."

A/N: Woo hoo! First chapter is up! Comment what you guys think. It's my first Jaspar/ Phan collab fanfic, so we'll see where this goes.