SOS- A Jaspar AU

3- Dan Howell

The only thing I could think to do was be angry at the world.

But really, kicking up dirt and stones in the middle of a park wasn't really getting me anywhere. It was cold and windy, but I stayed.

I felt lost. My parents were gone. My brother was gone. I was alone in London with only a few dollars. Which really wasn't a good idea. I sighed in frustration and pulled my wallet out of the pocket of my jeans.

£35, an Oyster card, and a picture of my family. The picture slid easily out of the sleeve of my worn wallet, where it was ripped to shreds in my fingers and thrown to the wind like dust. That was history. They were history.

I shrugged into my leather jacket that sat beside me on a bench and walked from the park, to where the subway ran underground in the heart of London. My fingers fiddled absently with the belt loops on my pants.

I had been disowned. Not for robbing a bank, stealing a car or killing someone, oh no, I had been disowned by my family for simply being myself.

I used to be a happy child, not worrying about everything the world had to offer. Always smiling and laughing with my brother and friends.

I swiped my card and hopped on a car, not knowing where it was headed and not really caring. I put in my earbuds and blasted music from my phone into my head, hoping to block out my thoughts along with the sound of the subway skirting along the tracks underground.

"Next Stop: Kensington park." The speaker blared. I let go of my handle and hopped out at the farmiliar ding of the doors opening before another rush of busy people flooded me.

All I wanted to do was curl into the bed I didn't have next to the boyfriend I didn't have with the parents I didn't have bringing me the food I didn't have.

Depressing, isn't it?

The air was chilly, wrapping it's bitterness around me like a blanket and freezing my body from the inside. I shivered and wrapped my arms around my torso for warmth. Another park, full of happy couples and people walking down the roads. Another place I didn't belong. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my list of contacts, my eyes pausing on one name in particular; Phil Lester.

I could still picture his soft black hair, the piercing blue eyes that I'd stared into so many times, even his scent.

We hadn't spoken in years. After high school, we'd kind of drifted apart. (A/N: I know Phil is older but not in this.) We were inseparable. First only friends, but eventually more than that. He tried for us, but I didn't. I let us drift apart. And never had I regretted something more in my life.

My thumb hesitated above the 'call' button, unsure if I should take the risk or not. Sighing out a breath of white, I tapped the button, listening in anticipation as the phone dialed his number. Just as I went to tap the 'end call' button, a voice I'd never forget answered.

"Hello?"

"Um, hi." I mumbled nervously, rubbing the back of my neck.

There was a long silence. "Dan?" Phil asked breathlessly.

"Erm, yea. I uh... um... I-I shouldn't have called, it's just- nothing. I shouldn't have c-called-"

"It's okay, Dan." Phil interrupted. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, yea. I just... they're gone, Phil." I sighed.

He was silent for a moment. "When did they leave?"

"Sunday."

"......I'm sorry, Dan."

"Me too." I shuffled my feet along the sidewalk.

"D-Do you have a place to stay?" His voice went an octave higher in a nervous habit.

"O-Oh! I um, well, uh.. it's just.." I took a deep breath. "No, not really."

"Come to mine." I could see him sighing in his cute habit. I have me the stress and I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"I'm sorry to do this to you." I said sadly. I knew I'd hurt him in the past. "I wouldn't be asking if it weren't serious-"

"Don't worry about it. That was in the past." He said. "But Dan?"

"Yea?"

"Don't expect things to be how they used to be. I-I can't let myself be hurt like that again." He said quietly and I knew it took a lot to say that to me.

"I'm so sorry Phil." I whispered to myself. "I don't blame you."

"I'll see you later." The line went dead, and I dropped my phone into my pocket.

I let a single tear roll down my cheek and land on the frozen ground below me. "I love you Phil. And I'm sorry."

A/N: Urgh this is my favorite chapter by far.