Matt was sitting on his worn-down leather two-seater sofa staring blankly at whatever American programme that came on to his flat-screen TV. He had been sitting in the same spot for around three hours now, not bother to move or change out of a pair of sweats and an old baggy t-shirt finding no point now that he was left alone to his thoughts with no-one to talk to. Josh had left only a seven days ago but still the hole in Matt’s heart continued to grow… They hadn’t argued (ever) since a week ago when it all came falling down. It gave Matt the chills just thinking about it, they found themselves just constantly shouting abuse at one another, saying things that weren’t even true in an attempt to just hurt the other. Obviously, Matt had said things he now seriously regretted, things that could send anyone over the edge let alone Josh. At first, Matt will admit he felt sorry for himself as Josh did say things to him that weren’t fair either; well that soon changed. Now all Matt wanted is for the elder boy just to take him in his familiar arms and whisper to him how everything will be okay. It won’t happen. Josh seemed devastated as he left when the arguing came to a stand-still, Josh just grabbed an old sport bag of Matt’s chucking in only enough clothes for a week but god knows where Josh was now. Matt had tried to call Josh several times but it went straight to voicemail every time, even after trying Josh’s home phone a few times and much too Matt’s disappointment he had come across Josh’s phone charger about two days ago giving him some hope that Josh didn’t mean to ignore his multiple phone calls as no matter what they said that night, Josh won’t forget how worried Matt gets about the blue-fringed idiot.
Matt found himself sitting on the sofa for another half an hour staring blankly at an American TV programme he slightly recognized, until he heard a quiet knock on his front door, it shocked him of course as he dragged himself from his spot and walked towards the door. He opened it to show the elder boy in front of him mirroring how Matt felt; worn down, tired, lonely and devastated. “How you been? Can I come in?” Josh asked quietly so Matt could barely hear the words that left his delicate mouth, “just came to get my things then I guess I’m leaving…” the last part tugged at Matt’s heart… both boys were lost without the other it was obvious but neither was willing to break down in front of the other. Matt found himself moving out the way of the door to let Josh in with a million simple questions floating round his head but not one left his mouth as he gingerly followed Josh into their room still with crystal clean covers as Matt (when/if he slept) fell asleep on the sofa, not wanting to sleep alone in the huge bed the boys once shared. Josh walked over to his wardrobe, which of course was bigger than Matt’s as he began to grab some more clothes of his allowing Matt to take a proper look at Josh since he first arrived. The elder boy looked worn down in a pair of sweats and a baggy jumper that Matt soon recognised to be his own, Josh looked thinner than normal… in all honesty he was too thin. As Josh continued to search through his wardrobe Matt caught a glimpse of a bandage loosely wrapped round his wrist. Matt would do anything to take Josh in his arms and take care of him, yet here he stood like an idiot in the door frame staring at the love of his life that he allowed to walk out of his life without even trying to fight for him. Josh could do so much better. “Josh…” Matt started to say before he was cut off.
“If I could say what you’d like to hear I’d whisper in your ear it’s only temporary.” Josh said showing a weak smile once again making Matt’s heart skip a beat.
“Josh, please…”Became the only two words Matt could say before he let the tears come falling down not caring how ugly he looked in that moment, he just wanted his Joshy back, he would do anything. Soon after he began to cry he felt two familiar arms wrap around his waist pulling him into the elder boys’ chest as he continued to cry heavily, soaking the elder boy as he heard words of reassurance being whispered in to his ear. “I’m… I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry Joshy… I… I didn’t mean… all those things I said… I just… just want you back!” Matt finally stuttered out letting out a huge sigh as he too placed his arms round Josh’s slimming waist. “Shh Matty, it’s okay baby, I’m here now. I’m so sorry for leaving you like this… I never knew it was this bad and you were like this… have you even slept, had a drink or eaten since I left?” Josh continued to soothe him but sounded so concerned for the younger boy’s health even though he shouldn’t be at all. Matt didn’t deserve it or so he believed as he tried to think about the last time he had a good night sleep or had a drink or food. Matt just lightly shook his head unable to compose anymore words as the tears continued to fall. Matt hated being a wimp, Josh should be the one crying, he was in a far worse state than Matt yet he would do anything right now to see his Matty smile. Josh took Matt’s hand in his own as they walked towards a small kitchen located on the left side of the apartment, Josh gestured for Matt to sit down at the breakfast bar as he started to look through the cupboards to find something within date to eat. Josh came across some pancake batter making him laugh lightly, now how stereotypical Canadian it would look to anyone else. Josh carried on to make the pancakes serving up two plates with around five or so pancakes on each with a bottle of syrup under his arm as he made his way to join Matt, who now had a smile plastered across his face at both the sight of the elder boy with him again and the pancakes that he so badly wanted to eat. Josh passed a plate to Matt as he took a seat as close as he could get to Matt, both diving in with utter hunger.
