Fallen

Chapter 19

“I think you should leave.” I pushed Conor’s arms off of me and got out of my bed heading downstairs to open the front door for Conor. He ran down the stairs after me and I stared at him for a while. “NOW!” Conor looked at me with sad eyes and I looked back at him with nothing but hatred in mine. How could he let this happen to me? I was such an easy target, living by myself in a small bungalow on the outskirts of town. If anyone came for me I wouldn’t be able to scream or get help or anything, nobody would hear me…I’d be screwed.  But right now, I didn’t even care, I couldn’t even look at Conor right now, he’d gotten me into this shit and he couldn’t get me out of it without any violence being involved and he knows I hate it when he uses violence to get his way. “JUST GO CONOR!” He shook his head at me and I tried to forcefully push him out of my house but he was too strong.

“Just stop for a second (Y/N)! You and I both know that this isn’t my fault; it was no one’s fault here. You knew what you were getting yourself into when we got together, we both did, but we took the risk!” I wasn’t listening whatever excuses Conor had to say right now, I was mad and I was letting it show.

“THIS IS EXACTLY YOUR FAULT!” I shoved my hands into Conor’s chest and he stumbled a bit, looking shocked at my sudden action. “IF YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE SPOKEN TO ME AT ALEX’S PARTY, IF YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE TAKEN MY NUMER AND IF YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE SAID YOU LOVE ME THEN NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED! NONE OF IT!” Tears were falling from my eyes now; I couldn’t hold them back any more. I wasn’t sure if they were angry or sad tears but they just kept flowing down my eyes. “IT WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED!” I began to sink to the floor but Conor grabbed hold of my waist and pulled me and wrapped his arms tightly around me. I stood there letting my salty tears stain his grey top but he didn’t seem to mind. “Why d-did you have to be in a gang. You would have b-been so perfect otherwise.” The tears kept falling and Conor was stroking the back of my head to try and soothe me.

“(Y/N), I would never let anyone hurt you, you know that don’t you?” I shook my head at him; he couldn’t promise that, no one can ever promise that because one day I am going to get hurt. We all get hurt so telling someone that they’re not going to get hurt is a load of bullshit. “Well I mean it, I promise you okay?” Conor placed both of his hands on the side of my face to look at him and kissed away the tears that were traveling down both of my red cheeks. “And do you know why? Because I love you (Y/N). I hope you realise that.” He smiled down at me but I still couldn’t force one onto my face.

“You still lied to me Conor. Why would you lie about something this big to me. This I needed to know and you kept it from me.” My eyes were blurred from the tears I was fighting back. Conor fiddled with his hands but eventually looked back up at me.

“I had to, I didn’t want you to worry but I realise I should have told you know because know this happened.” Conor gestured to us both. “But you would have been worried and scared and I was worried that you would hate me for getting you caught up in all of this mess. But I’m going to do all I can to sort this mess out okay.” I shook my head at him.

“No. Something bad will happen, I can tell, you’ll get hurt…or someone else will. You’ll use violence…and violence usually leads to death.” I shook my head at him again. “And I can’t let that happen here. If you killed someone, you’ll get caught, people always do, and then you’ll be sent to prison for god knows how long. You can’t do it; I won’t let you because I won’t be able to live without you Conor.” Conor pulled me in again and rested his cheek on the top of my head and sighed.

“I’m not going anywhere okay (Y/N),I am going to look after you and I will never leave you. I won’t let you get hurt. Ever. Trust me.” Conor looked down at me and gave me a warm smile. I returned one back but…I couldn’t believe the words he was telling me. To me…they were lies.