REVERIE

CHAPTER 2- Temptations

        The rest of the afternoon was surprisingly worse than usual. By the end of the school day, only my firm resolve to never let anyone see that their actions got to me held me together. By the middle of my geography class-the second period after lunch- I was almost starving. I hadn't eaten dinner the previous night so it wasn't a surprise that I was having a pissing contest with my stomach. I had managed to control it despite the hammering pain almost till the end of the class, but when dizziness joined the battle, I had to give in or literally faint from hunger.

        As I smuggled a torn off piece of sandwich into my mouth miss Haynes somehow chose that exact moment to notice me for the first time ever. Insulting me and referring to my poor grades hadn't hurt- as I was used to that- but what had brought me closer to tears than I had been in a long time was when she grabbed the sandwich out of my back pack, and threw it Into the trash. In anguish, I had just stared longingly at my now Condemned lunched.

       The burning pain in my stomach seemed to intensify with each passing second, so much that it felt like I wasn't going to be able to make it till lunch at the dorm. Unable to stand the agony any longer, I had Excused myself to the bathroom in the hopes of drinking some tap water to help lessen the ache. It hadn't worked as much as I'd hoped and to aggravate the situation I had accidentally hit my shoulder on the bathroom door thus reviving the shoulder pain I had gotten from the motor accident that had claimed my mom's life.

        At that instant the urge to cry had disappeared replaced by the staggering and overwhelming sense of grief and loneliness. I had learnt to numb out her loss for a while- which had undoubtedly intensified my angry and impatient attitude- but today seemed like a good day to wallow in the pain. By the end of the day I was bitter.

        I felt like I had become the grief. I had reopened locked away memories of my mum, and they had Charged me with sorrow. For a moment I had wanted to die-put an end to everything. It was all pointless to me. You struggled to live, Every single day, you put up with idiots that refuse to understand anything as long as it wasn't of benefit to them.  It was just sickening. I packed up my bag pack as the last class of the day ended and quietly walked out of the class. Even Kate didn't bother coming over to me as if she could somehow sense my mood.         

       Dispirited, I had walked Down the crowded hall way down to my locker. Opening it I just stared at nothing for a few minutes. Eventually I was jolted back to reality by the loud clang of the locker beside me. I leaned my forehead against the locker. The ache in my shoulder and my heart was becoming unbearable. I needed to numb out for a while, and sleeping wouldn't cut it as I would be too restless.

        I heaved a deep sigh and was about to close my locker when my eyes caught the edge of a transparent polyethylene bag sticking out of a note book. I reached out to drag it out and alarm gripped me as my suspicion was confirmed. Nervous, I banged the locker shut and wheeled around, leaning against it. Oh God! I gasped. I had forgotten that was there.

        Errol had given it to me about a month ago during one of my depressed days, and aloof at that moment, I had just thrown it into the locker. I think he had also given me instructions but I wasn't sure. I dislodged my backpack. Unzipping it quickly I searched for my journal. It was the only place I kept, wrote, or hid things I didn't want anyone to see, and this qualified. As i Flipped through the pages , a neatly folded piece of paper lodged between the edges of the page flew out. Before It could hit the ground I snatched it out of the air and stuffed it into my blazer pocket.

        Now, the main deal. Taking a deep breath, I exhaled and reopened my locker. Without looking, I secured the package more careful in the notebook and as casually as I could placed it into my backpack. Shutting my locker I walked briskly towards the school library, a floor above mine As I passed through hallways and staircases jam-packed with students I couldn't help but feel like everyone was looking at me. Barely managing to restrain my panic, I eventually made it to the library.