Tears of July | √

6. What If

Chapter 6

It was the start of March, and the month welcomed me with a surprise visit by my parents. It wasn't like I hated them or something, but ever since they arrived that day, they had been asking me an awful load of questions and they kept telling me about the ophthalmologists they have talked to who might improve my eyesight. Not save nor replace, but they had to use another term that never once did I consider would happen to my eyes.

And now there we were; a normal, happy family, eating a hearty breakfast that my grandma cooked specially for my parents. Grandma never cooked breakfast for me. She'd always be like; "There's a box of Corn Flakes in the cupboard, dear." Or, "I'm too weak to go to the supermarket today, Cassandra, so I won't be able to buy your cereals." And, "Why don't you ask Lyle to bring you breakfast?" And so at occasional times, I eat a fruit or two on my way to school.

I hadn't realized they were talking to me as I looked up and saw them looking at me with weary eyes. I raised my eyebrows in confusion and tried not to laugh, since I was always oblivious and had a world of my own.

"Cass, where would you like your operation to take place? Do you want the surgery to be performed here or in New York?" my mother said in a bit cheery tone, everybody's eyes looking at me with eagerness.

I looked at her and raised my eyebrow, suddenly impatient and irritated.

"Have you found a doctor yet?" I snapped, though I didn't mean it to sound that snappy.

"N-no, dear. But we're doing everything we can, we're contacting all our connections-" She stopped as my father nodded vigorously, giving me a smile. Sighing inwardly, I looked down at my plate and found my food untouched. I tried not to reply without sounding rude or anything, but it was all too much, I guess.

I was going to be blind. Why couldn't they just say it in front of me? Why did they have to deny it?

I was oblivious to their conversation again, and I sat there miserably, wishing it was Monday so I had to go to school, so at least I had some reason to leave the house. But it was a Saturday, and as the loser and loner that I was, I had no plans to go hang out with people today, not even Lyle, who was probably sulking in his room, playing video games again... or out in the field, playing soccer.

"There's no point." I blurted suddenly, without thinking. They all stopped talking, and I could see the look on my grandma's face that said; don't argue with them.

But deep inside me, I wanted to. I wanted to let them know how I felt.

"I don't think there's anybody in New York who can save my eyes."

Mother flinched at my words, and father tried not to look hurt.

My mother cleared her throat, looking at me with scornful eyes. "Yes there is. We just haven't found the right person yet." she replied curtly. They all looked at me with melancholic eyes that made me want to tear up.

I hated myself. I always cried easily when it came to people staring at me and interrogating me about something.

"Don't look at me like that," I faltered, my voice cracking. "Just don't act like everything's going to be okay, because it's not."

Grandma stared at me with hardened eyes then she stroked my hand under the table which was now clutched into a fist.

"Cassandra, don't you have your own silver lining?" she said softly as the others kept their eyes down.

I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and tried so hard to keep my tears from falling. It was a hard effort since my eyes were blurry with all the tears I had kept inside me, and piled up somewhere in my chest. My head ached a bit, and I wanted to scream in pain. My chest was bursting with the pressure to cry.