Trigger warning!!!!!!!!! Don't read if this will stir up old memories or anything that will make you suicidal. Just remember this is all fake.
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I didn't know what to say. I mean, how could I respond to that?
"Elizabeth, are you ok?"
I nodded my head but really, I was confused.
"I know you're not, what's wrong?"
He kept pushing me but I didn't know how to respond.
"I don't know! What would you do if you found out you best friend loved you but already knew you were trying to stop feeling?! How would you feel?!"
He looked hurt. I knew I had a right to react like this but Louis also had sensitive feelings.
"Look, Lou, I love you... I really do, I just I don't know about any of this"
He looked hurt, I hurt him. I hated hurting people, it was like if I wasn't hurting myself I was hurting everyone around me.
"I-I understand."
He looked so sad, so unhappy.
"Please don't hate me, you have to understand where I'm coming from."
He just nodded his head. I felt awful, he had helped me and I was hurting him.
"I'm confused on how I feel because... even though I love harry I can't deny my feelings for you."
His face lite up when I said that, his eyes gleamed with happiness. No one could deny how he felt for me, no one could say he didn't love me because in reality, he loved me so much.
He started towards me, I thought he was going to kiss me but instead he grabbed me by my waist and gave me a hug.
He hugged me so tight I was starting to loose feelings in my legs.
"To tight, must breath." I practically yelled in his ear.
He just laughed and put me down gently.
"But-" I said taking a pause.
"But what?"
"I am not ready to be in a relationship, if you love me you will wait till I am ready. I'm to scared of getting hurt again so please just wait till I'm ready."
"I will wait forever if I have to."
He held me in his arms, but for some reason this didn't feel right.
I wasn't supposed to be held by him, there was someone else who was supposed to. I could never go back to that person.
I wanted to, I missed him so much. I loved him, but he hurt me. I can't go back to someone who hurt me. How could I?
It was possible to go back to someone who hurt you, it was possible to forgive someone but you couldn't forget something they did. I couldn't forget how he hurt me, how I spend months crying myself to sleep, wishing he could hold me.
I spent months trying to bring myself out of depression, but every night I would find myself crying, cutting, harming myself in every way possible.
Nobody knew, nobody cared, so why would I stop?
"Elizabeth! Whats wrong?!" Louis freaked out.
I was crying, I didn't even realize.
"Sorry," I whispered, "I was thinking about something. Just forget it."
