Rain Boy (phan)

Chapter 3

A lot of things, as it turned out, could be much simpler than that. Because Dan was sad, depressed even, which Phil didn't understand. And how could he? Phil had never been depressed, all he needed was a little rain and he was happy. But Dan....Phil was beginning to think that Dan was never properly happy. And he couldn't quite understand why.

Dan was bad at calling. Phil learned that Dan didn't make it out of bed most days, he didn't have the energy. Dan didn't want to hang out most of the time, he'd normally not reply to Phil's invitations. He said that he needed to spend time alone. Yet to Phil it seemed like Dan would never get better if he locked everybody else out.

Phil wasn't ready to deal with any of that, a fact he had already known going into this whole mess. He just didn't expect it to be this hard. He thought that maybe Dan would get better soon, because he had said Phil made him happy. But Phil couldn't cure Dan. He could hold him and kiss his forehead softly but he couldn't take away all the hurt. No matter how much he wished he could.

"I think I need to leave this town," Dan answered as he opened the door. He had texted Phil, asking if he could come over right away, so Phil walked over to Dan's as quickly as he could. "I can't breathe here Rain Boy," Dan turned and walked back inside as Phil trailed after him, closing the door behind him. "I don't know where I'd go, but it might help," He began to trail off. "Right?"

"You can't run away from your problems," Phil began.

"But this town is my problem," Dan interjected.

"Dan you need help, you need to talk to a physiatrist or something." Phil was already tired of this endless circle of arguing that they would fall into.

"They'd just put me on drugs," Dan argued, beginning to pace.

"That wouldn't be the end of the world," Phil tried to say, "Those drugs were invented to help, Dan. They'd help you."

"No, you don't know that," Dan shook his head. "I don't need their help."

"So instead you're just going to run away and hope that helps?" Phil's voice raised a fraction. "This isn't something that can be solved by wishing."

"Why can't i just be normal?" Dan stopped his pacing, talking in a small voice, "Then I wouldn't have to worry about this. God, what I would give to be able to get out of bed every morning without it being a battle."

"I know," Phil felt any anger at Dan's stubbornness melt away. Instead he moved to wrap Dan in the biggest bear hug possible. "I would do anything to make this go away in an instant."

"You haven't even known me that long," Dan mumbled into Phil's shoulder. "I'm not your duty to fix."

"I know," Phil said again, "I'm not capable of helping much at all."

"But you're still trying," Dan's words were as sad as Phil had ever heard them. "I'm going to ruin you Rain Boy. I'm afraid you're going to go down with me."

They cuddled for a while after that, trying to forget everything that had been making Dan freak out. Phil held Dan close and pressed kisses to his forehead, as that was all he could do. Phil was beginning to think that falling in love with Dan was a very bad idea.

But it was a slippery slope and he was already sliding.

Phil went home later that night. When he said goodbye all he really wanted to do was give Dan a goodbye kiss. He actually almost did, stopping himself from leaning in. Dan already had enough problems without adding a relationship to everything; but that didn't stop Phil from wanting one (though it did make him feel incredibly selfish).