OOC: Harry Potter And The Terrible "Book"

#donttouchthatcactus

Harry Potter: HBP

The cave

Dumbledore leaned over the water,careful not to touch it, for a few moments, his hand stretched out. Confused, Harry asked him what he was doing.

"I'm summoning a boat."

"What for?"

Dumbledore stared back at him for a few seconds.

"I'm glad you're not in Ravenclaw. Just, hold on to my hand so I can lean out a bit more." He said. Harry grabbed his cold, blackened, dead hand.

"Oh my god. I'm touching it. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew-"

"Suck it up."

"Fine. I will let go of the subject."

"Harry. No."

"Okay. I'll let it go."

"Stop, Harry. Not now."

"Let it go! Let it go! Can't hold your hand any more!"

"Harry! I swear to god!"

"Oh no! My hand is getting weaker! I don't think I can hold it much longer!"

"I will kill you!"

*splash*

A chain shot up out of the water and into Dumbledore's outstretched hand.

This splash scared Harry.

Harry did not like to be scared.

*another splash*

You can only guess what happened here.

One moment of swimming and nearly drowning because there are zombies in the water that want to hug you until you drown later...

"Harry...when we get back...you're ****in' expelled."

"Whatever old man. Be ungrateful. I just saved your a**."

"Dude. Dude. Dude. We swam five ****in miles to get to this island. Meaning we're gonna swim five miles back. I'm old, too, man. I can't do that again."

"That's what apparation's for." (#sassypotter)

"10 points from Gryfindor. Now, you see that?" Dumbledore pointed to something in the middle of the island.

"What is that? Is that-?"

"Yes, Harry. That is a water cooler." Dumbledore answered.

"But what's inside?"

"2 gallons of LSD."

"Two? Two legit gallons?" Harry asked, astonished as they walked toward the cooler.

"Yes. Two legitimate gallons."
***
A/n

I do not approve drinking LSD.

I do, however, find it's effects quite hilarious.
***

Goblet 1

"Woah. I'm feelin' it bro."

"I bet you are, Professor."

"Whaaaaaat? I could hear you over the space in your head."

"Oh god."

Goblet 5

"Harry! Whatever you do, don't touch the cactus!"

"What cactus!?"

"That cactus!" Dumbledore pointed behind the water cooler. He went to investigate, finding nothing.

"Look at it! Just don't touch it!"

"Oh my god. Shut up."

"IT'S THE ILLUMINATE CACTUS!"

Goblet 15

The old man started to stare in space as he murmured words that Harry could barely understand. Well, at least he shut up.

"I should've been a demigod." Harry said to himself. He opened the water cooler and took out what appeared to be-

"A locket?" Indeed, it was. Gold, with Slytherin's crest on it, and it was shaped like heart. Not exactly the first thing you'd see a full grown man wearing, but perhaps it had sentimental value.

Either that, or it must've looked beautiful around Salazar's neck.

But, damn, did it look fine on Harry's.

****
A/n

Lol. I love it.

Do you?

Tell me. I want to hear you.

BTW, spread the word.

Also btw, Alan Rickman died.

I love his acting, from hitchhiker's to galaxy quest, and will always be a die hard fan of his work.

Jamie's actually gone now.

Maybe we'll get to see a glimpse of his ghost.

RIP Alan.