kitten // Jisol

0.4

(WARNING:TRIGGERING)
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Joshua's POV

I fell asleep crying with my heart broken.

I woke up to a bright light. I headed to the bathroom to take a shower. I washed my body and started thinking about last night. Why would Hansol say that? Maybe he wanted to impress the witch or maybe he might actually think of me like that.

I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist and heard back to my room. As I was walking to my room S.Coups stopped me. "Good morning Josh" he said happily. I said nothing and shoved him so I could go to my room.

S.Coups POV

I was surprised of how Joshua acted. He was always happy and nice and now he looks sad. I watched him go to his room and slam the door. I do remember on Vernon's birthday when he had red, puffy eyes. I bet he was crying and not wanting to tell me.

     I headed to Vernon's room to see if he knew what's up with Josh. I opened the door to see him in his boxers sitting on the bed and Jessica sleeping. "Hey Hansol can I talk to you for a sec" I whispered not wanting to wake up Jessica.

       He nodded and walked out of the room into the hallway to talk. "Is Josh acting a bit weird lately?" I asked " I mean know that you say that he is" " I'm getting worried and scared so can you look after him just to be safe?" I said "yeah totally" We both heard down the the kitchen to eat.

Joshua's POV

      For the whole day I stayed in my room. I only left to go to the bathroom. I mean what's the point? I never talk to anyone and no one likes me. They hate me because I'm useless and can't do anything right. If I died no one would care and everything would stay the same.

       It was 3 in the morning and I couldn't sleep because of the voices. I got hungry and decided to go eat. I opened my door quietly and started to go downstairs hoping not to wake up the boys. I tip toes to the kitchen and got a granola bar. I sat on the stools and started to think about everything.

      What's the point of living at this point? The fans hate me and I can't even date the boy I like because he is straight and has satan as his girlfriend. Why can't I be useful for once? Why do I mess up everything?

       I didn't realize I was crying until I felt water on my hands. I wiped my tears away and started to get up. As I was getting up I heard footsteps heading down the stairs. I looked up to see the one guy I didn't want to see.

        "Hey Josh why are you down here?" Vernon asked worriedly " I got hungry so I got something to eat" I said quietly " Well you should probably go to sleep we have a meet & greet tomorrow" he said softly " Can I ask you something Hansol?" I asked shakily " Sure what is is?" " Don't you ever feel w-worthless sometimes" I asked quietly looking own not wanting to see his reaction. " I don't u-" " of course you don't you have people th-that care about you and love you" I started to tear up " Whatever I do I'm bad at" I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks.

         " I'm bad at singing and dancing and I don't know why the hell I was put in this group the fans hate me even you hate" I said angrily " I heard you say I'm a fag to Jessica and you now how it feels" I looked at him waiting for an answer. He shook his head slowly. " Terrible like I was stabbed in the chest" I said shakily " God I'm so useless    
and wort-" I was interrupted by a pair of lips on mine. I took me away until I started to kiss back. I felt fireworks and I loved it.

         We backed up to breathe and stared at each other. I looked into his brown eyes and he looked into mine. Then he decided to say something "You don't know how much I waited to do that" he said still gasping for air. I was shocked but before I could talk I felt his lips on mine.
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sorry it took me awhile to write. My mom found my smut and was pissed and didn't want me back on wattpad but I ain't listening so it might take me awhile to write things so sorry about that