Why he Hates Subway (Discontinued)

Pure Bliss

The sandwich shined brilliantly - almost like it was asking me to eat it. I gazed at it, fixated on it as I methodically unwrapped it, drooling violently. It felt strange to me, like I was actually excited to eat the sub, but I didn't mind the feeling. Finally, the wrapper had been opened, and I threw it aside as I held the sandwich, opening my mouth.

As soon as the sub had been shoved into my mouth, it felt like an eternal heaven - a perfect bliss. All I could do was say the occasional "mmm" and grunt as I ate it even more quickly than Todd did. I finished my sandwich and looked over at him. I could see that he was still eating it, and I laughed, even though it wasn't that funny. He glanced over at me, his eyes widening, and he pulled the sandwich out of his mouth.

"You have been promoted from amateur to lieutenant."

"Lieutenant?"

Todd glared at me, obviously annoyed at my ignorance. However, I had just started to learn all about this obsession of his - something that I had known of, but not very well, and I still had a lot that I needed to know. "Yes... lieutenant. It's one rank of many. The ranks go as follows: new recruit, amateur, lieutenant, officer, president, dictator, and the Sub God."

"What's the Sub God?"

"You really do have a lot to learn... the Sub God rules over all of us in the heavens, making sure that every bite someone has of a Subway sandwich is perfect. While I wish I was the Sub God, I'm only a dictator."

"A dictator," I joked, "of which country?"

"I'll narrow it down to three: North Korea, Subland, and Trumpland."

We both chuckled slightly, but the joke wasn't that funny. I then waited as Todd finished his sandwich, and we both looked at each other, stomachs bulging. We then proceeded to order another sandwich, even though neither of us were hungry. Instead, we only did it because of the tantalizing taste of it, drawing us back in. Little did we know, it was all a corporate scam.

We sat back down with our new sandwiches, eating them without words. We had to get more, we had to have the same glorious flavor in our mouths, the aroma filling our noses, even the sound of our chewing in our ears. It all added to the experience, and we had fallen victim to the sub. Still, not all addictions are bad.

Right?

I didn't bother to think about that as I continued to eat, staring out in front of me, looking past Todd, to rest my eyes on a little poster on the window. It was double-sided, so I could clearly read it over here.

It read "Now Hiring." I looked over at Todd again, still eating my sandwich, and back at the poster. Instantly, I knew what had to be done.

I needed to get a job at Subway.