Falling Slowly (First Draft)

10•Murderer

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Above picture is Jason.
________________Hanna__________________The next couple of weeks went by slowly. Me and Nick grew closer and so did me and Lily.
I went to the Youth night with Lily a couple times and Nick was there too.
I still didn't understand how they couldn't see God for who he really was. How he didn't even care about them.
They were so blind.
But Nick was amazing with me. He didn't  push God on me or push me to do anything he was patient.
Most people pushed me to tell them what had happened but not Nick he was kind and patient with me. He understood I didn't want to talk about it.  But I think both of us knew I would never be able to move on with my life if I didn't let go of the past.
But how could I? I had caused my brother's death.  I was a murderer. 

_________flashback_______
"Hanna!"
I heard him call behind me but I didn't stop. I just ran deeper into the thick forest.
Tree branches reached out in the darkness and grabbed at my clothes and skin tearing them. But I didn't feel the pain. Rain began to fall and the ground became muddy and it was hard to walk let alone run as the mud clumped to my shoes.
I had to get away. I couldn't.........I wouldn't go with that women.
Jason was leaving me. He had joined the army. He said its his "duty", he "has" to go. "God has called me."
He had said.
Why would God call his child to his death?
God what are you doing?
God doesn't care about us. He isn't all we make him out to be, is he?

"Hanna! Come back here."

I kept running.

I stopped just before I fell from a cliffs edge. I tried to get my balance back but I just kept falling forward. I screamed.

Just as I was about to fall over the edge Jason pushed me back losing his own balance. He slipped over the edge.
"Jason!" I screamed scrabbling to the cliffs edge.
I reached out and grabbed his hand just in time.The mud pushed me further and further towards the edge of the cliff.  "Jason please try to climb up I can't hold you much longer."I screamed as loud as I could.
"Let go Hanna!Your going to fall too."Jason yelled back.

"No!"
He looked into my eyes through the rain and whispered. "Goodbye." A tear slid down his cheek and was soon lost in the rain.

I shook my head."No." I cried, holding tighter.

He closed his eyes and released his grip on my arm. The sudden change made me lose my hold on him.
I reached out trying to grab his hand again,but I still held onto the tree branch that kept me from slipping over with him.
I watched as he fell, helpless to stop it. It was only a few seconds but felt like minuets, even hours as he fell into the darkness.
He was gone from my sight. Lost in the blackness of the night.
I stumbled up to the path,stopped, and fell to my knees.
He was gone. My brother, my only family that I had left in the world was gone. Tears flowed from my eyes, and I couldn't stop them.

He was gone,and it was all my fault.
I killed him,I was a murderer.