Zodiac Horoscopes

The signs as bad decisions

aries: listening to loud music at night

taurus: helping too many people at once

gemini: hacking nudes

cancer: sleeping through the apocalypse

leo: becoming famous as a joke

virgo: wearing too much black in july

libra: writing an essay late

scorpio: summoning satan

sagittarius: doing drugs

capricorn: ignoring intense pain

aquarius: not wearing socks

pisces: midnight "snacking"