My deep depressed life

Chapter 12: No One Understands Me

I don't get it at all, not one person understands me even when I tell them everything. Its already January in 8th grade and its been like hell. I am usually the one who doesn't like my grades slip but this year has been like ass. I made new friends, I got a boyfriend, but even though that is good its been the worse year of my life. I don't get any of my work I try and try, but I still don't get it . My mother is always telling me to study, study, study, but that won't help me understand what I am doing. Two of my family members died when I entered the 8th grade, I lost the friends who were the most important to me.

I always get told how much of a horrible person I am its not that I be that way on purpose its just that no one gets me at all. The people who do get me are the people I am close with, which doesn't include my family except for my uncle. The way I deal with my problems I listen to music that others think is disturbing, but helps me cry out all my feelings instead of aggressively. I know I shouldn't do this but I smoke and cut myself. I smoke because it relaxes me and I watch the smoke as if it was my problems and watch it go into the sky and just fade away. I cut myself because I watch as all the blood drips down and the pain of problems leave with a pain I cant feel any more.

Yes, my grades are bad I don't give as much effort I can, but when I smoke and cut myself I just feel better. Everyone is like you need you stop you can't keep on doing this but they will never understand why they think they do but they don't. If stopped i would wind up hurting people or kill myself because I like the feeling of pain it just shows there is worse pain then others and that others can say they know all about but don't know a good damn fucking thing.

MY boyfriend I love him, but I am afraid it isn't going to work out and there will be a another thing I have to smoke and cut about. He says the sweetest things to me that just makes me shiver. When he calls me babe or bae, but the one that gets me the most is baby girl. It might be the hottest the guy or the sharpest pencil in the pack, but he gets me and makes feel a little bit better in myself and shows that someone truly gets me and loves me for me and what I do. Even i cut and smoke which he doesn't like he still loves me for me and won't end it over something that stupid.

A/N Now if you excuse me I am going to go cry myself to sleep like I do ever other day. Justin I just want you to know that I love you even if you don't ever read this. BYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11:06

1/14/16