So heres a little background on me okay. I am catholic I live in a small farm town in the usa. For 6 years I went to a Catholic school.
It was hell for me.
I was disrespected by teachers and students. When I brought this to an adults attention. No one ever did any thing about it. Even the principal. 5 out of 6 years this crap happend. Not like mouthly. Like dayly.
I was not exepted . I felt alone And afraid. In the middle of all of this stuff at school. My grandpa passed away from cancer. I still remeber I chose not to vistit him that day. Instead I stayd at home and watched tv. The phone rang. I chose not to anwser it right away. Finally I got up and awserd it. He was gone. To this day I regret it. I never got to say goodbye. To the man that I had loved so dearly.
Nothing was helping and my friends whos names I will change. Lizzy and Martha they were saying bad things about me. Leaving me feel alone. The only other person who knew what this felt like was my friend Clarissa. We had each others backs. But then it got bad again. We were in 5th grade this stuff was a continual thing. Clarissa is the only good memorie I have from catholic school .
Then middle school happend. A change of people . I thought these new people would be good. That they could exept me that I could be me with them. But again I was wrong. clarissa was also going threw a bad time with family issues and i never had any comforting words for her. I didnt know how to help. So we slowly drifted apart she found differnt friends that exepeted her.
I had a few friends I could laugh with but never fully trust. My trust is forever broken.
2 of my friends back then got bullied alot. Pushed around for being non athletic or differnt, like me. Teachers would see it. And still say nothing. In a catholic school. What happend to living the faith ? Where is it when things like this happen? Even my own cousin pushd me a way an discluded me from her group. SHE wanted nothing to do with me either. MY OWN COUSIN .
I had a VERY RUFF patch in my life in 6th grade. I was failing school. Being forced to a after school class then getting yelld at when I got home. (I had to take ADHD medication threw out this whole 6 yearz keep this in mind. )
I felt as if I was being cheated. These ADHD meds were making me extreamly quiet. Made me feel sick if i were to eat any food. Making me "blend into the walls" as my 3rd grade teacher said.
I had enough. This wasnt me. Im not my ADHD meds. I quit takeing them. My mother told me I had to take them. But I refused.
Mulitpul times I remeber crying in my room banging my head aganst anything yelling crying at God. To just end my life that. I was done. With this hell.
I would beg and beg my mom not to go to school day after day. Yet she kept making me go.
I swiched middle schools in 7th grade. It was my first year in the public system. I didn't know anyone. But yet I was greeted with open arms. I finally found friends that exepted me. The exeptence I wanted from the start.
I was angry that had anything to do with catholic school church anything. I didnt get it. I just didnt.
Half way threw the year I was trouble with a teacher named Mrs Froumlt. She yelled at me alot for not getting the question she asked me. Then map teztign time came and I got below adverge on math. They were worried about me. So we saw the counsler at my school they all confrunted me about grades and takeing the ADHD pill. I refused to take it. But they made me feel like shit. Like I was some sort of stupid kid who did nothing right that they had to make me take medicin so that I was a good smart kid. That they wishd for. Again I remeber feeling alone. Wishing I would just die or choke on somthing.
8th grade came around it felt like the beat year ever it felt like home to me.
My mom made me go to religous ed classes. I refused to go for a while holding my resisitence aginst this as much as I could . This chip that had been taken out in elemetary. Still chips me to this day.
High school is ruff for me. Alot of things happend in 2015 Again not because its a public school because we all have problems. No matter if you pay money to go to school and wear uniforms or if you dont pay money and you can wear what ever you wish.
Recently I went to a retreat with my friend AL. What happend may just open your eyes.
Thank you for lisoning so far ill continue tomaro or when ever i get my chance thank you so much i love you guys you are my support group right now.
