Falling For You (A Seventeen Joshua fanfic)

19

Jiyeon's POV:

The dorm wasn't that far from the place where we were since we arrived in at least 10 minutes. 'I'm home!' Jae steps out of his shoes and puts on some slippers. He gives me a pair too and we walk into the living room. I'm greeted by all 5 other members either lying on the ground or dancing to some music on the TV. The guy, Brian, who found me on the street notices me first and slaps the member closest to him. They all look at us one by one and they just look confused at me. 'Annyeonghaseyo, I'm Han Jiyeon.' I bow to them and give them a half-heartedly smile, since Joshua is still on my mind. 'Yah hyung, what have you done to her, she looks like she has been crying all day.' I bite my lip to prevent myself from crying again. Jae puts his arm around me again and shakes his head. 'No, I'm just helping her Sungjin. She's going to spend the night here so you guys better behave.' 'Eh?! She's going to spend the night here? Hyung, we don't even have enough beds. Where is she supposed to sleep.' 'She's going to sleep in my bed, if that's okay with you?' He turns to me and I nod. It's better to sleep in his bed than in the bed of one of the other members since I don't know them well. 'Where are you going to sleep hyung? The manager already sleeps on the couch.' Jae nods and gives everyone an awkward smile. 'I'll sleep on the floor in my room, since that's the only possible way. I hope you don't mind.' He turns to me again. 'Sleeping in the same room..?' I squint my eyes and slowly nod, because he clearly stated this is the only way. All the members instead of Jae howl and start punching each other. I hear Jae scolding them quietly and laugh a little. 'They seem like nice people.' I whisper in Jae's ear. He just nods and waves the members goodbye. 'I'm going to show her my room and the bathroom, make sure to knock every time you go to the bedroom.' They all agreed in unison and Jae walks with me to a door, decorated with all sorts of stickers.

'You're lucky I just cleaned up my room.' He doesn't share a room but it's quite big. He has one wall full of clothing hangers and boxes. A desk is placed right beside his bed. 'Wow, you have a double bed, I've never imagined an idol with a double bed.' He laughs and jumps onto his bed. 'It is perfectly comfortable, come on try it.' I jump on the other side of the bed and smile. 'It really is a perfect bed. And your blanket is so soft.' I hug the blanket and take a deep breath. His scent which is stuck in the blanket smells nice, I like boyish perfumes so yeah.. 'By the way, what will you sleep on?' I look around the room but I can't see a duvet or anything like that. 'I'll just use some blankets.' 'What? No! You have to take good care of yourself.' He smiles. 'It's okay, I don't really mind.' This guy really has to take better care of himself. 'Just don't sleep on the ground with only some blankets..' 'Than where do I sleep? I already said there's no other option.' 'Just sleep on the bed, it's double-sized so we'll both fit on it.' Jae's eyes widen upon my suggestion. I have to admit it is kind of weird to sleep in the same bed but I mean, he is not going to sleep on the ground. 'Are you sure you won't mind?' He asks while looking at me. I smile and give him an okay sign with my hands. 'It's totally fine, I mean it.' He smiles at me and we lay on the bed for a while.

'Ah that's right, you don't have any sleeping wear.' Jae walks to his clothing hangers and picks a big t-shirt with some shorts. 'They're freshly washed, it's better than the clothes you're wearing now.' I gladly take them and shoo him out of the room for a moment so I can change. They're too big on me but I like over-sized clothes so that's a plus. 'Can I come back in?' 'Yes!' I sit on the bed again and Jae walks in, he changed into some pajamas too and drops himself on the bed again. 'Thanks for letting me stay here.' I snuggle under the blankets. 'No problem, you can come here whenever you desire.' 'Thanks, can you turn of the lights though? I'm already sleeping.' I close my eyes and pretend to be sleeping already. 'Aish this girl.' He softly pokes my forehead and stands up again to turn off the lights. 'Thank you~!'

Sleep just wouldn't come to me.. I'm stirring the whole time and my eyelids won't even feel the tiniest bit heavy. I let out a deep sigh and sit up so I can look out the window. The sky is full of shining stars. The moon is hiding behind some thin clouds. I look at the clock on the nightstand and it's just 02:16 AM. Aish, why can't it be at least 04:30 AM or something like that. I lean with my back against the bed railing thingy and look at Jae. His face is lit up by the moon which made him look kind of mysterious. But he looks so peaceful while sleeping. There is no worry, no sadness or happiness written on his face. It's all naturel.

My mind drifted away again, to all the things I've experienced. It went so far back I even thought of my childhood and my life as a kid. I want to go back to that time. Too innocent to even notice the bad in life. Naïve, but no problems. It slowly went on to my time in high school, and Joshua..

Joshua.. It feels like forever since I haven't talked to me, but it also feels like we never even broke up. But in reality it has only been like a couple of hours. I never even imagined what it would be like without Joshua when we were together. And I guess I haven't fully accepted it yet. I'm still waiting for him, to suddenly appear and tell me not to go away, that this was all a dream and that I'll wake up from a bad dream. But that won't happen. I have so many things I want to say to him, but I know it will be to no avail. But one of the things, which I really want to say is..

I miss you. I miss you, Hong Jisoo.

That sentence repeats itself in my head. Different voices fill my head, causing my head to ache pretty bad. Holding my head with both hands I let out a quiet scream. Let this stop. Please.. Stop this madness. The voices become louder, they're all saying negative stuff about me, but also about Joshua. It's like more voices join each time someone is done with one sentence. My headache grows worse and I'm actually feeling a little light-headed right now.. Please.. Just.. Stop.. 'STOP THIS!' I breathe heavily and tears start rolling down my face again. It hurts. My eyes, they're too dry too cry more.

'What happened?' Jae suddenly sits up shocked and rubs his still tired eyes. 'I.. I don't know.' I sniff a couple times and look at him. 'Jae..' 'Hey, don't look at me with that expression. What's wrong?' Words are not coming out of my mouth. My eyes are still hurting because they're too dry and my lips are all cracked and broken. 'I can't take this anymore..' I shift closer to him and wrap my arms around his neck. 'I really.. can't take any of this. It's too much. I'm hurting.' Jae holds me in his arms and strokes my back. 'Yes you can. You're strong. It will take some time but I'm here for you. We'll get through this together and I'm prepared to fight with you.' My tears keep rolling, to the point where it even felt like I would cry blood sooner or later.

'Don't lose hope.'

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Yet another chapter! I'm sorry I wasn't able to upload sooner. Jeongmal mianhae!