Finally Found

9

 
Tyler

The sound of knocking against my door both had my heart racing, and my legs running to the noise. As I came closer, I realized I had a smile on my face and quickly dropped it before it was exposed. I didn't even give the proper waiting time before I swung open the door. I was too excited to see him.

  But my eyes were met with big brown eyes instead of blue ones and my smile was fake instead of real.

  "Justin." I said aloud, glueing a smile on my face but secretly I felt like an idiot.

A small part of me hoped that even though Troye has been avoiding my calls for days and even missed the time we were suppose to meet yesterday, that he'd be standing at my door regardless of the fact that he doesn't know where I live.

   Justin wrapped his arms around my body and pulled me into a tight hug. "I've missed you a lot babe."

  I hummed into his chest, still a bit disappointed at his presence. And I know that's wrong. He's my boyfriend and I should be happy that he just got back from his trip, I just am so caught up in my thoughts about Troye that company is just gonna be more stressful.

  "What are you up to?" He smiled, pulling me inside and shutting the door.

  Justin pulled off his leather jacket and placed it on the coat rack as I poured us some coffee. I had spent extra time in creating his just the way he liked it with soy milk and all heathy creams he enjoyed.

  "Nothing really I've only just woken up an hour ago."

  " A lot can happen in an hour babe." I felt his breath on my neck and his hands met with my hip. His cold fingers slid up my stomach and I almost spilled the coffee.

  I coughed, stepping away from his touch. "Not today." His face fell and I immediately felt guilt pour into my stomach. Don't get me wrong, I love sex just as much as the next guy. Especially after not seeing each-other for a week, but I strangely had no craving for the act.

  " I just have a lot on my mind. Please understand." I continued while drawing circles on his hand.

  He nodded quickly, raising his lips up and  kissing my cheek lightly. "What's going on."

  I debated on telling him but couldn't find a reason not to. Justin and I swore that we would never lie to each other even if it would hurt the other person and I wasn't planning on breaking that rule today.

   " I found Troye."

  Every sound in the house suddenly stopped when his eyes glanced up at me.

" Tyler—"

  " No I did. I really found him this time. I saw him at the masquerade Hannah took me to. I met with him for coffee the next day and we just talked. Talked about what happened. "

   I knew it was going to be hard for Justin to believe me. Through our months of dating he has seen me at my worst. All of my drunk nights or the stupid fights him and I got into never compared to the times when I thought I saw Troye. 

  There has been several times that I had lost my shit over believing I saw him, but none of them compared to a couple months ago when I really fucked up.

  It was too hot in Michigan and having the car windows down didn't help.

  We were listening to my queen and Justin surprised me by sassily singing every word to Lady Gaga song, Do What You Want

  " You're the Marilyn and I'm the president." He sang.

  I laughed as he continued, even adding hand gestures. Every day we spend together I fall even more in love with him. I have always had this vision of my dream man. I would stay up to the early hours of the morning fantasizing about this guy that would be soul mate. I even made a little check list of things this man needed to have; He needs to make me laugh, give me butterflies, stick up for what he believes in, is amazing with kids and most importantly never lets me forget how much he loves me.

I reached over and grabbed his hand from the air and lightly kissed it before pulling it down to the center council. I didn't let go and neither did he. Justin just smiled at me before setting his head back against the seat, letting the sun beat against his face.

We continued driving through the small town just outside of my home one. The little shops gave this area a vintage personality and I was amazed I haven't been here before. I kept glancing at the stores along the street surprised at how many thrifts there were.
  
  It was like every little shop had something to draw your interest. It was either a strangely cute name or a friendly appearance that made me want to pull over and look around, but of course I didn't.

The one thing that's kind of annoying about Justin is how careful he is with his money. I mean I get that you don't want to waste it, but there comes a point where it's just too much. Every time we go into a souvenir store, I end up buying all of our gifts. And that wouldn't bother me if it wasn't every other thing to; expensive restaurants he picked, movies, coffee dates. It sounds stingy, I know, but Justin initially has a pretty decent paying job and I just wonder what he is saving all his money for.

   The car was nearing the end of the outlet shops when it happened. I was at the wheel and Justin was beside me, sat calmly with his eyes closed. It all happened so fast, but I could never forget it.

  He caught my eye like a storm in the distance. My stomach dropped and I felt the hairs at the back of my neck rise. That feeling of familiarity just kept pressing at my gut. I didn't look away. I couldn't even tell you if I blinked. All I could do was listen to that voice in my head screaming his name. Which was filled with illusion because in that moment, I realized someone was screaming mine.

  I looked forward just in-time to see my car growing closer to a head on collision with the car in my opposite lane. I swerved instantly to the side of the road and felt like my life flashed before my eyes. The scary thing is, I don't think the car coming in my direction was what I'm talking about.

  "What The fuck Tyler?" Justin yelled, looking a mix between livid and just pure annoyed.

  "I'm so sorry I–" I paused, watching people gather around. "I don't know what happened. I just..."

  " You just what?"

  I met his eyes and for the first time was afraid to say anything to him. "I thought I saw him."

  Justin's eyes narrowed and he shook his head, before pulling open the door and getting out.

  "Justin wait!"

  " No Tyler." He said whipping around in my direction. "You are not doing this again. I have been so patient with you but enough is enough. I'm so fucking tired of this. It's never him and it's not going to be him. Tyler, Troye is gone. He's been gone and no matter how hard you try, he's not coming back. He's dead."

  He let out a deep breath and continued. " I don't want to say this but I have to. If this happens again...We're done."

  ——