Finally Found

11

Troye

I played with my fingers silently as I waited for Tyler to arrive. Little butterflies grew in my stomach thinking about him and looking at the warm cup across from me with a small flavored heart, made by the barista, defiantly wasn't working in my favor. I think the man could tell that this wasn't just a casual-afternoon-coffee get together. He probably knew from my early arrival and fixing my hair in the reflection of the glass, that this was everything more than a friendly reunion. 

  When I came inside with a pep in my step and a grin from ear to ear, he smirked at me and asked, " What can I get for you?" I told him my order and before I could say anything else, he spoke " And thats two of them right?" I met his eyes and smiled slightly glancing down at my feet, finding my shoes very interesting today. 

" Yes, Sir." I answered when I realized there wasn't anywhere to run.

" Whats her name? "

I bit my lip, giggling lightly at the quick assumption. I was quite surprised when I shot back immediately, " His name is Tyler. Her is a him. "

Since I was little, my sexuality was always something I'd been afraid to admit. Its not that I was ashamed to be gay, because I was everything but, I just was scared of peoples opinion changing about me. I guess the thing I'd have to learn is their intake would change--without a doubt, but maybe that was a good thing, cause then I'd be a hundred percent myself. No lies, No secrets. Just Troye. And it took me almost 10 years to learn that.

   I never got the chance to come out to Tyler. I mean it wasn't hard to figure out that I was most certainly not straight and I defiantly didn't try to hide it, at least not from him. My subtle hints gave knowing smirks in my direction and then one day I just stopped hinting at all. I'd point out cute boys on TV and speak about wanting to go to a Pride parade. He never addressed it or asked the question I was always waiting for. There was never a confirmation, but he knew.

Tyler was always so open about his sexuality, almost screaming it from the rooftops and even being around him made me feel so... gay in both senses of the word. Maybe thats why I admitted my sexual orientation so quickly. For the first time in a long time, I was relieved to admit something about myself, when all I've been doing these past 7 years is hiding all the things that made me Troye. So to have Tyler back, I was slowly becoming me again.

  My thoughts immediately disappeared when I saw Tyler walk in front of the cafe, visible through the glass windows. He stopped to glance back in the direction he came from, before shaking his head and reaching out for the handle. I took a breath again knowing that when he came in, i'd struggle to find air, especially with him wearing that black shirt that complimented his chest in the most prominent of ways. I tried to look away so i didn't seem so desperate, like i'd been waiting for him to arrive, but when our eyes met, I couldn't look away. They held curiosity and what looked almost like admiration. I'd recognize that look anywhere. He used to reserve it for when we were younger and I did something childish or completely bizarre. I guess now it was for when I had so many things I have yet to tell him. 

I was taken back to reality when he started walking toward me, once again realizing this wasnt a dream. I actually had him back.

"Hey Tilly," I said, almost in a whisper. He glanced down at the mug, and a small blush grew on his face.

"Hi Troye."

I melted instantly at the softness of his voice. It gave me the warmest feeling as if i just woke up, wrapped in my favorite blanket, while he drew circles on the small of my back like he used to do. We'd spend hours cuddling in my bed while he held me and played with my hair or the latter where sometimes i'd have to guess what picture was made at the bottom of my spine. It ranged between wild animals to Lady Gaga jumping out of a plane. He was completely bizarre but somehow nothing compared to me.