Twisted Knot

A chance meeting

~Paul~

I had looked at my phone a gazillion times in the last eight hours. It was almost seven p.m. and I'd been busy discussing my businesses with insurance companies and public officials about reinstating my liquor licenses. It had been difficult, and the worst part was that I had no idea what Beth was up to. I'd sent her a text message, telling her she could call me if she wanted to. It was such a childish move, but I didn't want to confuse her by calling or by irritating Stefan.

I was feeling lost, so I did what I always did when I was lost. I went to see Cecelia. I brought her favorite flowers, sunflowers, and brought them to the quiet tombstone. I remembered her funeral, which had so many people with their words and condolences. Only I ever brought her flowers,only I ever honored her. Her parents were dead, and so was she. I missed her and felt guilt wash over me everytime I remembered her, but I found comfort believing that she could hear me. I stood beside the stone, placing her flowers down gingerly. I

"Hey Cecelia," I said, glancing around. I was alone. "It's been a couple weeks. I don't know if there are calendars in heaven...I know, I'm still a dork. I miss you..." It's a good thing I was alone, Because I always bawled my face off. It wasn't manly, but what could I do. I had loved her, and she'd had clinical depression. There had been signs, and I thought she would get through it, and then one day she didn't. One day my Cecelia was dead, and I was alone. Even if I'd finally fallen in love again, it didn't erase the past. It didn't erase the pain.

"Remember that married woman I told you about, the friend I had a crush on. Well funny story, turns out she is Stefan's wife. I know, quite a Surprise. He cheated on her, and well I'm not proud of this, we had a night together. I know it's wrong, but I love her Cece. I want her to be mine...Please tell God I'm sorry I'm such a mess, if he even cares." I laughed, hoping she really could hear me. I had no idea what I believed, but pretending made things better. Pretending was powerful, and it was what I did constantly.

"She's ignoring me, and probably planning a vow renewal with Stefan. I don't know, not really. It's hard... I wonder what it would be like if you were here. Maybe it'd all be different. I would have you, and we'd all be friends, you and Liz would talk. Our kids could play together. Stefan told me there had of be a way for everyone to be happy, and I feel like if you were alive, then it'd be possible..." I trailed off again.

"I miss you. If you're listening, I would not be offended if you wanted to send me a sign. Some signal of what I should do. I used to ask you about everything Cece, I never realized how helpless I was without you." I stood to leave, feeling ready to go.

"By the way, business is good. I was planning on opening another sandwich shop, I was even going to call it Cece's. But that's going to have to wait, Stefan bribed a homeless guy to torch on of my places. Good friend, huh?"

I started to walk back to my car, following the trail. And then the damnedest thing happened, a chance meeting. Across the cemetary, over by a small cement angel was Elizabeth, sitting down quietly. She was holding a book, a children's book, and she was reading. I walked slightly closer and was captivating as she continued reading, it was the velveteen rabbit.

The moonlight danced and I could see her face just enough to see she as crying. She stopped reading and closed the book, touching the gravestone. I felt like I was intruding, but I couldn't pull away. I was entranced by this woman and her sadness, seeing her in a new light all over again. She stood to her feet, glancing longingly at the site. She had lost someone, a child. Stefan must have as well, and I didn't know why he had never told me. I meant to leav,e but she saw me, locking my eyes with me.

She approached me, wiping her eyes and tightening her coat.

"Paul," she said. "Did you follow me here? What are you doing?"