Twisted Knot

Homecoming

~Elizabeth~

            My two hour car drive back from the treatment center evolvement into a four hour ride, fraught with donut, ice cream, and crying stops. In some ways, I was proud of myself. I had finally stood up for myself and said what I really wanted, but now I doubted my words. Was it right to divorce your husband in his hour of need? I mean yes, he had cheated again, and that was painful. I couldn’t see the light at the end of infidelity tunnel, and I couldn’t live my life in this world. How can I trust Stefan if every time I blinking his sleeping with other women? Women, I rolled my eyes thinking the words, more like children. That girl was maybe in her early twenties, I would hope. She had Tinkerbelle panties, for goodness sake.

            But still, I knew Stefan needed me even if I wanted to stab him in the throat with a pitchfork. And divorce just felt so final and definite, like we could never undo the step. But I didn’t want to be his dutiful wife, not knowing what I knew now. The rose colored glasses were off, and I realized that even after ten years, my husband was just this person I didn’t really know. I pulled into my front driveway, trying not to cry. I needed to keep it together, and most of all, I needed to stay calm in front of Paul. If I did get a divorce, and if I ended up with Paul afterwards, I needed that to happen slowly. I wouldn’t be one of those bed hopping women with three marriages under their belt. And that meant taking my time to grieve over my marriage before jumping into Paul’s arms.

            I went inside and saw Paul by the sink, washing dishes as if he’d always been there. I waved and he smiled at me, confused and excited by the sight of me.

“Hey,” Paul said. “I thought I was seeing you tomorrow. What happened to your stay at a nearby hotel? Did it have bed bugs?” I smiled and sat down at the kitchen table.

“No,” I said, considering my words. “Stefan wasn’t feeling well, so I left early. Besides, I was worried about Jeremy and you; did he eat you alive?”

“No,” Paul said. “I got to say, I like your kid. You know he beat me at air hockey three times? And he’s sweet, really.”

“Well, I like him,” I said. “Thank you for helping us Paul. It means the world to me that you dropped everything to spend time with my son…”

            Tears fell down my face and I just stood to walk into the living room. Paul trailed shortly behind me and I felt him grab my hand, turning me.

“What is wrong Liz? Did something happen at the treatment center?” Paul asked me.

“I can’t talk about it,” I said. “Stefan is a lot sicker than I realized. He is a different person than I thought he was. I just don’t know…I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“I am probably not the person to talk to,” Paul said. “But I do believe Stefan loves you and he is trying.” I just shook my head and sat down, putting my hands over my face.

“He shouldn’t have to try so hard,” I said. “If you love someone, then you just do. Everything else is secondary, right?”

“What is this really about?” Paul asked. “Because if it is about us, then just relax. I will give you space and you’ll forget about us, I promise. I will be a boy scout.”

            “I know,” I said. “But the fact is that Stefan and I have problems that started and end without you Paul. And I just don’t know if we can overcome them.”

“It must be hard,” Paul said. “But honestly, Stefan is trying. He went to rehab, he apologized. Stefan Templeton doesn’t do those things; he is all about power and control.”