Twisted Knot

Memories and propositions (edited)

I fell against the pillows, knowing sleep was gone from me. I tried to doze off, but all I could do was wonder what had happened to my life. When did my husband stop loving me? Did he stop? Did I stop, since I'd just kissed another man? No, Paul was right. I was vulnerable and not thinking clearly.

So many years had gone by, and my marriage had gone through a cyclical pattern of highs and lows. Things were good generally, but sometimes I felt alone. When Stefan was being genuine and got his mind off of work, we were wonderful. He was a great dad, and he was smart, funny, sweet. Everything you could want. And he made me feel safe, which is important. But things had changed in the last year or so, and Stefan was different. He was guarded and irritable, and everything was about power and respect. When his ego got so big - I don't know, but it was out of control. The real third person in our relationship was Stefan's pride, followed closely by his need for control.

Maybe it had always been this way. I didn't know. I thought about the past, when things were new and I was young. The good old days, I guess.

The first time I met Stefan was on an airplane ride when I was 20. I was flying back from Paris, where I had spent a summer studying abroad. I didn't actually need to go to France, but it was an option, and I had always wanted to go. I came home with three flunking grades and a broken heart, due to a summer fling gone awry. I was sitting on the flight, which at some point had stopped off in Denver. As the Denver passengers arrived, I was staring out the window and thinking about how screwed up my summer had been. Stefan came strolling down and I glanced over, noting he was absolutely gorgeous. He was wearing a white button up with a red tie and nicely fitted slacks. His dark black hair was longer in the front and just barely hung in front of green eyes that made you want to stare. A small trace of stubble was around the most delicious mouth, and I wondered what it would be like to kiss him. I kicked myself mentally, wondering why I was checking out some stranger who was probably ten years older than me.

Just my luck, the handsome stranger was sitting beside me. I smiled and so did he, not so subtly looking at my legs, which peeked out from a skirt.

"Hey, I'm Stefan Templeton," he said. "I guess we're plane buddies for a few hours. Sorry if I snore." I laughed.

"I'm Elizabeth," I said. "And I'll be awake, since I am still on the wrong time zone. I just came back from Paris."

"Wow, Paris's so much more exciting than Minneapolis. What brought you there?"

"School. A summer abroad program." Stefan nodded.

"I went to Italy when I did study abroad," he said. "You haven't live until you've gone to Italy." I nodded, wishing I had gone to Rome and avoided my Paris fling.

"So what do you do?" I asked, and he smiled, turning towards me. He was actually happy to talk to me, a total stranger. And we just clicked right away, feeling an easiness around each other. I felt my heart kick up a notch every time he smiled.

"I'm an investment banker," he said. "I work at a firm in Seattle."

"No way! I go to the University of Washington; we're neighbors."

"I guess we are," Stefan said. We talked for a while longer and, after sharing a few laughs, I found myself forgetting my French man and feeling this pull towards Stefan. He was a stranger, an older man, but I found him irresistible.

We were at the back of the plane and, when the passengers at the front started to exit, I stood up.

"We will be stuck back here for a while," I said. "I'm going to use the restroom. If you're gone when I come back, I really enjoyed talking to you."

"Nice meeting you Elizabeth," Stefan said. He extended his hand, and I took it. I felt myself blush as his strong, masculine hands covered my dainty fingers. I released him and went to the bathroom. After splashing my face with water, I went back outside. Only a few people were left on the plane, but Stefan was still there.

"Hey, you're still here..." I said, feeling excited. Stefan nodded and walked up to me, invading my personal space and looking into my eyes.

"I forgot something," he said. I smiled, wondering why he was so close, and why I didn't mind.

"Oh, what did you forget?" I asked. Stefan smiled and leaned forward, kissing me on the lips. At first I stopped, surprised and startled. Then I realized he was kissing me, and he was a gorgeous, successful, funny man I felt extremely comfortable around. I laced my arms around his neck and kissed him back, almost forgetting where we were. He pulled back and smirked, as if he'd just won some sort of a prize.

"I forgot to get your number," Stefan said. I smiled and grabbed his phone, punching in my digits and name.

God, what if he charmed other women the way he'd charmed me? I guess he had charmed our nanny. I felt disgusted.

My phone rang, ripping me from my daydream about the past. It was Stefan. I answered with a sleepy hello.

"Where are you?" he asked. No "I'm sorry." No "Are you OK?" Just another demand for information.

"I checked into a hotel," I said. He groaned and I sighed, not knowing what to do.

"I need some time alone Stefan," I said.

"I know," he said. "My mother is picking Jeremy up in the morning. She'll take him for a week, she said. So you can figure out whatever you need to."

"I think you need to think," I said, "about what you want, because clearly I'm not it anymore."

"That's wrong," he said. "I love you Beth."

"You have an odd way of showing it, Stefan."

"Beth, I'm an idiot. I made a mistake. You can't just walk away after nine years for one incident." I nodded, actually agreeing. But I had a right to anger, right?

"Come home, baby," Stefan begged. "I can't undo anything. But I can try to explain. I can hold you while you're sad. I can give you a foot massage or make love to you until you can barely breathe. If you run away now, what chance is there you'll ever come back."

A good one, I thought. It was better to have distance, so I didn't kill him by accident. Or worse, say something I couldn't take back.

"I can't come home Stefan," I said into the phone. "I can't look at you, let alone sleep in your bed - the one where you broke our marriage vows."

"I understand you are hurting, but I am so sorry Beth."

"You think you understand, really? How could you possible understand how I feel? Because I have been nothing but faithful to our union, and I would NEVER betray you."

"What if I could understand? What if you taught me a lesson?"

"I don't follow you," I said. "I really don't feel like riddles right now."

"Well it's sort of like the whole an 'eye for an eye' doctrine. An affair for an affair. Show me what you feel by doing what I did?"

"So that is what it's come to Stefan? We'll just even the score? How will that fix things?"

"It won't, but overpriced therapy might. But Beth, it's only fair you get a free night, since I did. What is the alternative? You hate me forever or we get divorced? Where will that leave little Jeremy? I think if you had a chance to see how easy it is to forget about me, you would understand. All I am saying is that if the opportunity presents itself, I give you full permission to sleep with someone else."

"I have to go," I said before hanging up, thinking the whole thing ridiculous. Little did I know Stefan had already arranged for his little game to start, and I was playing right into his hands.