Don't Leave Me

Dont leave

I was always meant to be the one to die first.
I never spoke it aloud and I rarely thought about it but I knew and so did everyone else. If one of us was going to die at the hands of a another man. It was always going to be me.
I was meant to be the one in danger, i was meant to be the one to take the bullet and bare the scars, I was the one that was meant to shed blood!
I signed up to die for my city, I always knew that if I wanted to be this other man than I had to know that I would die. Eventually.
Of course everyone dies eventually. No one can live forever but some of us are lucky enough to die old and some of us die young. I wanted to be the one to die. I wanted to be the one to take the bullet. I wanted to be the one to bleed for my city...

All those years denying how I felt, refusing to accept the feeling that grew inside me everyday. I did that so that I would be the one to die.
When I finally let myself go, when I finally let myself love her I though that I would never survive the next day. I was so sure that I was going to die the next day I knew that when I died I didn't want to die as an empty man. I wanted to die knowing I had found my queen.
Yes she has been hurt and yes she has been scared but I never let her die. I promised myself that I would die first, that if possible I would die for her. And if I did happen to die saving her life at least I would die a happy man. I was so sure I suppose I became ignorant, cocky and those actions cost her, her life and me my queen.

A wise man once told me 'death is not the end, it is the beginning". Thinking back on that now I can't think of anything stupider if I tried. But that's just it I tried and I failed. I have been saving this city which I though was the most important thing to me. To save a city my father believed in, a city my father died for.
But now holding her in my arms feeling her blood seep from her body and cover my skin. I know for sure this city is not the most important thing in my life, it is far from it.
If I could go back in time and change everything. I would.
I would do anything to stop this from happening. But wishing and thinking 'what if' isn't going to change the fact that my love the only human being that has ever truly had my heart is bleeding out in my arms.
I pride myself on being able to save lives. I played a part in saving this city and I have saved countless lives. But isn't it ironic that the single life that truly matters, the only human in the world that I truly love is one of the lives that I fail to save.
I, of course, have blood on my hands from my past. I have killed many, many people and I am certainty not proud of that fact.
But sitting here holding her limp lifeless body in my arms I can feel myself slowly die.
The pain is worse than any injuries I have ever suffered. It hurts more than any torture I have endured.
I feel as if I too am slowly bleeding out.

My five years away missing feels like a happy family vacation compared to this.
I didn't truly know how much I loved her until now.
Looking down at her blond hair and cracked glasses I feel I tear slip down my cheek, I watch as it falls and splashes on her face. For a split second the irrational part of me hopes that just like in the fairy tales a single tear will just heal everything and then we can have our happy ever after. Nothing happens.
I can't stop the flood of tears that comes next.
It feels like I have been here for forever. I have already called Diggle who has already called Thea, Laurel, Lance and an ambulance.
I let out an anguished scream. Why can't they get here faster!? Don't they know she needs help?!

Even in this situation I have to keep my hope. If I didn't have hope just like humpy dumpy I would fall apart and all the Kings horses and all the Kings men wouldn't be able to put me back together again. Hope is running out. As each second passes and she comes closer to death my hope runs out. I can't even think about what my life would be like without her.
Would I still be able to be the arrow?
Would I even want to be in a would where she doesn't exist?
The thought brings more tears and as I gasp for air trying to keep my lungs working.
I hear the faint sound of sirens in the distance.
"Hurry" I scream. My voice sounds raspy and I barley have enough energy to speak let alone scream.
"Please" is the only thing I can mumble as I stare down at her beautiful face. I don't want to take my eyes off of her I the fear that if I even blink she will disappear.
Apparently the ambulance has arrived and so have Diggle with the rest of the team.
Everything is blurry and I can't hear a thing all I can to is continue to look at my fiancé.
"Oliver" the voice sounds so far away but I know what that means. I must let her go. The doctors have to help her because I can do nothing more.
I feel a large pair of hands on my shoulder and I know that is my queue. I loosen my grip on her.
My fingers feel cramped, I didn't realise how tightly I was clutching her to my chest. It's as if I thought that if I held on to her she wouldn't be able to leave me.
As the doctors slowly pull her away she seems to look even more pale than before.
"I love you" the words come out as barely a whisper and I'm sure no one could even hear me.
"I love you" I have to say it one more time just in case. She has to know how much I love her.
"Felicity"