Serendipitous (Harry Styles) [BOOK ONE]

13| çontrol

13| çontrol
WARNING: MAY BE TRIGGERING

I finally pull myself off the ground and walk over to the sink. I lean against it, keeping my head down. I'm scared to look at my reflection.

I reach for the drawer, searching for anything that will cure my nausea and migraine. Anything but food. I don't want to see his face.

I shuffle through packets of gauze, shaving cream and condoms until I come across a box. I grab it and pull it out from the drawer so that I can read what it is.

Sleeping pills.

Without hesitation, I pull out the remainder pills left which is about ten, and remove them from their packet.

I feel empty. No sadness, just determination. Determination to end my life myself so nobody else has to do it for me.

Avoiding contact with the mirror, I shove all the pills in my mouth. I gag as I try to swallow all of them but only manage to do half. Eventually, they all completely go down and I sit on the ground again, waiting for death to take over.

I sit there for at least an hour or so, trying to ignore the pain in my chest. I keep my eyes shut and squeeze the box the pills came in. The pains nearly unbearable but it's too late now.

No one wants me. What's the point in living anymore? I've lost everything- my home, my family, my best friend, my childhood and my future.

I groan out as a strange uncomfortable sensation washes through my body. It's a mixture of pain and nausea and dizziness. My hearing fades in and out, and I don't hear the bathroom door opening.

"Alice! What the fuck did you do?!" I force my eyes open and stare at the green eyes that are looking up and down my body. I close my eyes again and feel my body fall limp. I lean to the side and I feel Harry's hands hold me upright.

"Stay with me. Stay with me, please." Harry taps on my cheek. I feel like shoving him away from me but I can't move.

"I'm sorry for this." I feel Harry's fingers slide down my throat and the nausea I feel becomes ten times stronger. I gag and jerk forward, but nothing comes out. Harry doesn't give up and gently yet urgently places his fingers in my mouth again. This time, I feel multiple pills rise up from my throat and I throw it all up in front of me, while Harry rubs my back.

I whimper at the discomfort and the disappointment that I am still alive. "Why did you do that?" I slur, still not well.

Harry cups my face and pushes a piece of hair out of my face and behind my ear. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Harry whispers but I keep fighting him.

"I was so close! So...close." I cough and lean forward again.

"Let's get you cleaned up." Harry stands up and places his arms under my arms. He drags me into the shower and turns on the water to a slightly cold temperature. The water feels refreshing on my burning skin and it helps me wake up a little. Harry sits behind me so that I am between his legs, and he snakes his arms around my stomach.

The water runs over us while our hair flattens out and our clothes stick to our skin. Harry nestles his face into the crook of my neck and I feel him kiss it. I feel exhausted and slightly dazed. I throw my head back against Harry's shoulder and close my eyes. I don't know how long we sit there, but the last thing I remember is Harry's lips lingering against the back of my head.

***

I wake up on my stomach tangled in blankets. One hand is rested under the pillow and the other is stretched up towards the headboard. I sit up, groaning in pain. I'm starving and I have an excruciating aching between my eyes. I look around and realize I'm alone in the apartment.

I go to stand up but I'm immediately jerked back onto the bed. "What the..." I pull at my left hand. I groan and shove my face back into the pillow. I thought we'd moved on from the chaining up. I can barely remember what happened after locking myself in the bathroom. All I can remember is getting up and trying to find some medicine.

The apartment door opens and Harry strolls in with his key chain dangling off his finger. He throws them on the counter before beginning to slip off his jacket, leaving his back facing me. He doesn't seem to realize I'm awake as he turns around with a neutral expression.

When his eyes land on me, I give him the most hatred look I can muster. His eyes widen when he makes eye contact with me.

"Alice-"

"What's this, Styles?" I shake my chained hand. "We're back at this point again?"

"Alice-"

"You know, I actually thought differently of you." My eyes water. "But I was wrong. I hate you."

"Alice, listen-"

"The missions over now, and you've failed. So please, if you're not going to kill me then just let me go!" My voice completely breaks down at the end. "Just let me go, Harry!" I screech, my voice becoming strong again.

"I-I can't." Harry stutters and I suck in a sharp breath.

"Why can't you, Harry? Why?" I lean forward, my voice trembling.

"Because, I told Louis I killed you."

My eyes narrow at him. "You what?"

"You heard me, he thinks you're dead. And if he finds out you're not, trust me you'll wish I was the one who killed you."

I hyperventilate. "S-So now what? I'm stuck here for the rest of my life?"

Harry walks towards me, but I back into the bed. He reaches his hand up to my face but I move my face to the side to avoid his touch. "Please, don't-"

"I'm not going to hurt you." He says, sounding convincing.

I shake my head, moving away from Harry. "That's what I thought. I was wrong." I shiver as I remember his rough grip tangled into my hair and the force he had used to pull me to the ground.

Harry frowns and sits down next to me, even though I'm backed up against the headboard. He looks down at his lap and sighs. "Do you remember anything from last night?" His voice is quiet.

"What are you talking about?" I panic, not knowing anything he's talking about.

Harry looks up at me and his green eyes make my insides melt. "Alice, you tried to kill yourself."

I stare at his gobsmacked. I'm about to say something but shut my mouth.

"You overdosed on sleeping pills. If I had been just a few seconds late you would of-" Harry stops himself before looking back down at his lap. "You looked so empty. You weren't crying, just sitting there. Your eyes were lifeless. It reminded me of someone who meant a lot to me."

"No, I couldn't have. I wouldn't-"

"Well you did, alright!" Harry snaps, shutting me up immediately. "And now I can't leave you on your own again."

I should be thankful that Harry saved my life, but a huge part of me still had hatred towards him. "Why would you care, anyway? Just weeks ago, you wanted so badly to kill me." I stubbornly yell.

"I know, but-" Harry cuts himself off again. He shakes his head before standing up. I watch him walk towards the kitchen and lean against the counter, as if contemplating. What in the world could he be contemplating right now?

I'm caught off guard when Harry walks towards me, pinching his bottom lip with his hand, before he climbs onto the bed and crashes his lips onto mine. Immediately, I begin kissing back.

He kisses with such urgency, and it's rougher than the last kiss we had but it's still painless. Our hands travel over each other's bodies, mine under his white shirt, feeling his hard stomach, and his hands squeezing the sides of my bare thighs.

I've lost complete control of my body. Just a minute ago I was telling him I hated him, and now I was making out with him. What's going on with me?