Waiting for an answer.

Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Usually when I woke up in the morning, I would feel James’ warmth next to me and that day, when I rolled over, I felt nothing beside me and sat up immediately. I ran out to the hallway and down to the kitchen, looking for James. “James?” I called. “James??!”

I practically asked everybody where he was before I found him walking out of the forest in his wolf form. I sighed and my legs collapsed onto the ground. He sprinted towards in front of me and nuzzled my cheek. I smiled and hugged his big furry wolfy self. He ran back in the woods before coming back out in his human form, wearing his pants and his shirt was in his hand—hot werewolf cliché to show their 6-pack, but I ain’t complaining one bit. James walked over to me and crouched down to my level. “Baby? What’s wrong?” he asked, looking at my bare legs.

 I blushed, realizing that I had ran all over the house in his shirt and panties only. “Nothing, I was just worried. You weren’t in bed when I woke up so I panicked...” I said, feeling foolish and embarrassed at the same time.

“I just went for a run because my wolf wanted out,” he explained bluntly. James always gave me short explanations when he didn’t want to continue the conversations so I stopped and nodded, accepting his excuse like always. And whenever he disappeared, I knew where he went. He went to seek female humans for company for pleasure but I kept quiet too, hoping that someday he would realize the gravity of his wrong doings and stop. He always gave me the same explanations whenever he went missing to be with those humans: ‘my wolf wants out’. When he went missing that morning, I knew he had spent the entire night with a female human. I could smell it slightly on him but I acted, again, as if I hadn’t noticed. It hurt me but I reminded myself that this wouldn’t matter if it helped him; if I could have my James again. “You should head back inside. It’s still pretty cold out and I don’t want you to catch a cold.” he said.

I smiled and he helped me stood up and went back inside. He took the afghan off the couch and wrapped it around me. I know how pathetic I was being but it touched me that he still cared, that he had chosen me over those humans, even when he were with them. I was a fool but when you’re a fool in love and you wanted someone back as badly as I did, it wouldn’t matter what everyone else thought.

I sat in the kitchen and James handed me a mug of hot chocolate before he headed upstairs to our room to rest. He gave me a kiss on the forehead and left as my best friend, Jane walked in. Jane’s eyes widened when she sniffed the air and she looked at me. I took a sip and sighed, knowing all too well where our conversation was heading. “Again?!” she asked, furious. “Please tell me you gave him a piece of your mind!”

“Jane, don’t you think it’s a too early for us to be arguing again? Please, just leave it alone. James is still grieving and I know what he’s doing...is wrong but... it could help him. He’ll come back to me, I know it.” I said, for the billionth time that month.

She glared at me and pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head. “Katie, it has been 2 years since the late Alpha and Alpha Femme passed away. He should have stopped grieving a long time ago!” she said, almost yelling at me.

I looked down and bit my bottom lip. “H-He needs more time, I-I think.” I stuttered.

Jane rolled her eyes and narrowed her eyebrows. “He has had enough time, Katie and you know that. The whole pack knows that!!”

“He needs time to heal!! I should at least give him that! After what I did...” I choked on the last words as tears came streaming down my cheeks. I pressed the palms of my hand on my eyes and sobbed, trying desperately not to cry again.

Jane’s expression softened and she gave me a look of sympathy. “Katie,” she cooed, walking over to me and placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Nobody blames what happened to his parents on you. He doesn’t either. You don’t have to take this because you blame yourself. We all want James back and we’re never getting him back if you’re not stopping him now.”

I sobbed and pulled Jane into a tight hug. “I-It hurts. It hurts s-so b-ba-bad!” I cried.

I spent a good few hours crying my heart out to Jane. When I stopped, I thanked Jane and went upstairs to James. He was lying on his side of the bed in his boxers and though his eyes were closed, he wasn’t asleep. I walked over to the bed and sat on my side. I didn’t move but I kept staring at his back. It looked like he was avoiding coming to my side of the bed... and it seemed like he didn’t even want to be in the same room or same bed as me. I let out a shaky breath, trying to stop myself from breaking down again but it was so hard. It felt like my heart was shattering into a million more pieces. He knew I was there but he made no move to acknowledge my existence.

“James...?” I whispered. My voice came out like a whimper. He didn’t move but kept on pretending to be asleep. I looked down at my hands and let a tear drop. I gulped and decided to play along with his lie. “I know you’re...asleep... but I wanted to tell you that I know. I know you weren’t out running like all the other times you said you were all because your wolf...wanted out. I actually knew that for a long time. I knew you were out with those human girls and you’ve...been...with them. I-It hurts, you know. I-I keep thi-believing that it’s helping you heal and someday you’d stop and realize you were in the wrong. I keep thinking that you needed time, that if I gave you all that time and went along with your lies that you’d someday... be yourself again; be the man I loved again. Jane and everyone else say I’m being a fool and I sometimes think I am too but I-I...I’m desperate to see you really smile again. My heart feels like it’s burning and it’s breaking but it doesn’t matter. I tell myself it doesn’t matter as long as you’re with me , it doesn’t matter since you’re always here even after you’re with those human girls and nothing matters if it helps you. I-I blame myself for your parent’s death... I thought to myself that I should at least give you more time after what I did. I love you, James. You know that, right? I’ll always love you... but this hurts a lot. I’m not planning on leaving...I actually don’t know what I’m going to do after I tell you this when you’re awake. All I know is that, I love you and I miss you but it’s so hard to wait for you...”

It was only after I said everything that I realized I was crying and I was sniffling and sobbing. I didn’t bother to see if he was ‘awake’ now but I left. I actually got up and left the room. I didn’t stop there. My wolf took control of me and howled in pain before I shifted, leaving my clothes ripped and me in my wolf form running to the forest.

It’s so hard to wait for him...