Never Gonna Remember [HIATUS] (SHINee Key fanfic)

CHAPTER 42

Key's pov :

Five words. Just five words - It is all my fault.

These were the only words that kept circling my mind and enveloping my heart.

I couldn't believe what just happened. I couldn't accept the harsh reality. My body was still trembling, all shaky and tensed from what happened few hours ago. Sweat droplets dribbled from my forehead spicing up my tensed appearance. My fingers were entwined all the time and my lips were continuously mumbling simple yet powerful sorrys to her even though she was out of my sight at the moment. Out of my sight she was, lying insipid with a translucent door barring me from seeing her blood soaked face. I lifelessly raised my hands and trailed my fingers along the big red capital letters that read 'ICU - visitors not allowed'.

"You have to sit Key. Its no use waiting in front of the door. It takes time." Onew's voice sounded like an ambulance siren, annoying but serious. My Young Hee is inside probably battling for life and he wants me to sit and relax. Well how could I?

"I don't want to." I retorted

"Key...." Onew's voice was nearing me and I could feel his hands over my shoulders. "I understand how you feel. But listen to me. It might take hours for the doctor to come out. You ju--"

"Its all my fault hyung." I turned to face him with tears of guilt welling up in my eyes. I was gritting my teeth. My fists balled tightly. "I couldn't save her. I couldn't protect her. I'm such a coward. I don't deserve to love anyone. If only I was able to pull her up. If only I had more strength..."

"Key relax. Relax please. She's gonna be okay. She'll probably--"

"No she's not! She's not gonna be okay! She's struggling there! Its all my fault." I couldn't help but to scream my heart out. "Did you see this? ICU? she's serious hyung!"

"I know she's serious and so you have to stay strong."

"If only I was a bit more careful. I should have pulled her with more strength..."

"Key relax y--"

"Its all my fault. Its fucking all my fault! This stupid injured hand of mine! I'm insane...."

"Key listen..."

"I-Im immature. I mean to hurt myself for some stupid silly reason and now here I am. Culprit! I killed her! I killed her hyung!"

"No Key you didn't."

"I did. I killed her. What a shitty boyfriend I am. Oh God, what if she don't forgive me? What if I loose her?"

"Stop it Key. Your are hyperactive! Stop concluding things!" I could see his furious eyes piercing right through mine. I knew I was blabbering nonsense but at the moment I was struggling to stay fit. I couldn't think straight. All I can imagine was my poor girl lying unconscious in the hospital bed, with tubes and machines surrounding her pale body, merciless injections piercing her delicate flesh and her heart rate meter scribbles. I want that scribbles to remain scribbles. No one is perfect and so must be her heart rate indication. Please don't turn straight....

Onew sighed at the sight of me calming down a bit. "I told everything to our manager. He said he'll be right here in few minutes. You better calm down before he comes. I don't know how he's gonna react."

"I brought some drinks..." Jong Hyun appeared into the scene suddenly with a plastic bag in his hands. "And some buns.....Key are you alright?" His brows knitted as he eyed me pathetically.

"Same cries again." Onew sighed for the second time as he strode away to take a seat.

God I should stop this. Mumbling nonsense is not gonna help me at all. I'm only giving a hard time to these boys....